Break The Best Friends

Chapter 27

Early mornings have never been my time of the day. Hell, mornings were never my time of day, to begin with. So, it makes me wonder what I was doing up this early in the morning, sitting on one of the corners of my room staring aimlessly at my phone. The words on my phone's screen were glaring back at me with a fierceness that was sure to give chills down my body.

My friends were all there. Some were sprawled on my bed, almost lying on top of each other, while the others were lying somewhere on the floor. Kyra was sleeping peacefully on the bed with her head on River's lap and her legs resting comfortably on Theo's lap. A lucky girl she was. All this time I was wide awake and thinking about what I was going to do, she was sleeping happily like a baby.

I looked down at my phone and read the email that I had gotten last night when we were all watching Saw; we had moved from watching The Grudge to Saw, less scary Reece had said. Less scary, my foot. I was only a millisecond away from shitting my pants and he was telling me that Saw was not as scary. Idiot.

The words in the email that I was currently reading made me release a sigh and I closed my eyes, trying to not let the words get to me... Too bad they already have.

Dear Care,

You don't know how much it pains me to type in this email for you. It burns me physically to let all the thoughts and events of my past out in the form of words that are going to haunt me for the next few months. It took me a long time to suppress these memories and become the cold hearted jerk that I had been so long. But it is enough now. I am done being silent. I let you and others suffer too much for too long through everything that I have put you through.

I am a coward, Caroline. I cannot do this in person. That's the reason why I'm doing this through an email. Easier this way; trust me.

Today, I am telling you everything that you wanted me to tell you a long time ago. You deserve the truth. You have to know what really happened that changed me. You get all the answers to your every question today.

But before that, I need to thank you for everything, my only true love. I was really very happy with you, Caroline. You completed me. You were my everything. Believe me when I tell you that I loved you. So much. Even though, deep down I knew that you deserved better, much better than me, I couldn't bring myself to not love you. The time I spent by your side was the best time I have had in my entire life.

Everything changed the moment I walked in on my father and my mom's best friend. When I saw them together, it shattered me. I felt so betrayed and did not know what really to do. On one hand, I couldn't tell my mother as my father begged me not to. He was right, my mother would be too broken and I didn't want to be the one to break my mom's happiness. On the other hand, I did not want my mother to live getting fooled by her own husband, who she loved – still does – with her whole heart.

I lost my trust completely and I cheated on you with Amelia. I would never try to justify my actions, because it was a dick move, I agree, but I was not thinking, Caroline. That day after I slept with Amelia, I realized one thing; I unintentionally became my father – the one person I didn't want to be like.

Trust me, I didn't want to be like him, Caroline... But that day I proved to myself that I was indeed going to be another him. I was going to be just like him and that is the reason why I became a jerk and started to push you away. I thought if I treated you poorly, you would get tired of me and leave me; and when you did, I was so confused. There was never a day in my life where I had felt miserable and happy at the same time, but on the day you broke up with me, I did. I was miserable for myself, but I was very happy for you.