The Next Stage (COMPLETED)

FORTY SIX: Her Comfort

Julia

"By the way, did he..." she paused for a while, I guess that she wants to be careful of the words that she wanted to say and ask.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. So may hint narin siya. Sabagay, sino ba namang hindi makakahalata sa ikinikilos niya? And mas nahalata niya siguro 'yun noong nalaman niyang wala na kaming relasyon.

Ilan pa kayang tao yung mapapaniwala niya?

Yung mapapaniwala niyang he's still into me?

"That he cheated on me?" Direct to the point kong sabi. It's hard to believe it, pero wala eh, nagawa na niya.

"Obvious naman siguro? Since you already know our story." Casual na sabi ko sa kaniya. Sige pa, mag pretend ka pa na casual ka lang sa mga nangyayari ngayon.

"Pero paano niya nagawa---oh, I have to go na pala, tapos na vacant time namin." Sabi niya ng may narinig akong tumawag sa pangalan niya.

"Yeah, sure. Thank you, ah?" Sabi ko sa kaniya.

"Always welcome. I'll talk to you when I have time. We're not done yet! Inis parin ako, ah." Then she acts like she's crying, again. Napangiti ako.

"Of course. Anytime." Sabi ko. She said her goodbye then she ended the call.

Napahiga ulit ako sa kama ko. This day has already a lot of happenings, hoping that there none to come.

Halos kakasimula palang ng araw, but I'm feeling tired already. The fact that I'm just here at my home, pero nakakastress parin.

Home should be a person's comfort, welfare, a nest that makes you feel at ease. But in my case, this day, I felt unhappy, more stressful, and weary.

Diba pag nagmamahal ka, it makes your worries and your weariness washed out? Eh bakit parang nakakapagod pala? Bakit ang toxic bigla?

Bakit ang daming taong may gusto parin umibig? Some people are starting at a young age pa. Bakit pa ba umiibig kung mag ccause din pala ng disaster sa huli?

Ah, ang dami ko ng iniisip. I shouldn't be drown with my own thoughts, I should be drown by my own productivity. Ayokong may masayang nanaman na araw.

I should live again, just how the way I did before.

---

"Ah! I didn't know that being productive will be this hard! It sucks!" Sigaw ko matapos kong tumalon pahiga sa kama.

I did clean my room, and it turns out na sobrang dami palang kalat at alikabok kahit saan.

I was supposed to clean a few days ago, but I ended up crying till I fell asleep.

Masyado kasi akong focused sa sarili kong nararamdaman na hindi ko alam na mas may kailangan pa 'kong pagtuunan ng ng pansin.

I checked on my drawer, if it does have a lot of things that are worthy to throw away.

But I stopped. Heto nanaman ako. I am holding those white roses again.

But this time, I smiled. Enough with the tears. These roses and this CD that he gave me left me a good memory, so there's no need to be broken again.

Pero may nakita nanaman ako. He also left a sticky note sa pinakaloob ng drawer.

I stucked it out at binasa yung nakasulat.

'Hi. Kapag nabasa mo 'to, I just want you to know that you deserve all the happiness. So, just smile, baby. Love you.'

Dinikit ko ito sa taas ng drawer ko then I got myself a ballpen. I started to write something at the back of it.