Finding You

Brad makes a choice

I stare at the door and scowl at it. I don't know what to do so instead I stand here holding a bag of things that I'll need to get ready tonight and tomorrow. I should've just stayed home.

Then there's the part of me that reminds me that Sarah could still be there. She could be in there with her perfectness and I'm standing outside looking at a door.

Do I knock? Do I just go in? Do I continue to stand here like an idiot whose been played? I take a deep breath and raise my hand to knock. When it stops before touching the door, I know I should wait. Every building has a park and a couple benches. I find one to sit on. At least this way I'm keeping my promise and not interrupting them.

I pull my cardigan tighter around me as the wind blows and cross my legs on the bench. It's about to rain. There's something about being from the south and maybe this is a Georgia thing, but you can always tell when it's going to rain. The smell of rain fills your senses. The temperature drops. You can feel the static in the air. But everything is so calm and still. There's truly nothing like a good storm in the south.

It's also just my luck that it would rain when I'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot. It feels like either way I go, I lose. If I go home, Brad is surely done with me. I would break my promise to him. I could stay here, sure, but that doesn't mean that I haven't already lost. Or maybe I never won anything to begin with. Maybe it was never mine to win. They were together for so long that I can't possibly stand a chance. We've only been seeing each other a few weeks so really, what chance do I have here?

It begins to sprinkle and I take a deep breath in, letting the smell of earth fill my lungs with a calm. A door slams and I jump, refusing to look towards the sound. The doors here are heavy and close really hard as it is. It always sounds like someone is slamming the door but really that's the door.

I squint as I see what appears to be Brad running towards my building in his hoodie. I frown and stand, deciding to leave my small bag of clothes and shower stuff on the bench. Even if someone takes it, I have plenty more. The rain begins to quicken and the boom of thunder makes me pick up my pace.

"Natalie?" Brad's head is leaning against my door and stop at the top of the stairs.

"You promised no running. Did you think I wouldn't come for you?" He asks defeated before turning his head and letting his eyes land on me.

"I didn't run. I just didn't want to interrupt your talk." I whisper and lean against the railing. He takes a deep breath before walking over and pulling me into his arms.

"What's going on?" I ask softly and he pulls away only to kiss me. When he pulls away, I look down.

"Sarah wants to work things out." He says slowly, as if the words are foreign and lost to him. I pull out of his arms and turn towards the stairs.

"Stop running from me." He says stern and I turn.

"Stop assuming that I'm running Bradley. Stop thinking I break my promises. How am I suppose to act when you run to my apartment, swoop me up and kiss me, and then tell me your ex, who you were with for years, wants to work things out? You know what, I'm walking away from you right now because I'm not doing this in public. I've left all of my stuff on a bench and it's currently raining pretty hard." I walk down the stairs and let the rain soak me. I let it wash away the day. I let it hide my tears that have fallen.

"It's raining cats and dogs, Natalie. Why are you walking?" Brad asks from behind me and I sigh. If I say anything he'll know I've been crying. If I don't, he'll be upset with me.

"What do you want me to say Brad? What should I be doing?" I ask him and keep walking. This stupid bench feels too far away. It took me so little time to get to my building.

"You're going to get sick." He catches up with me and I blame his long legs. Those stupid, long, athletic legs.

"I'm a big girl. I can take it." I hope he catches on to the double meaning behind that.

"What happened to not doing this in public?" I can hear the attitude. I roll my eyes and grab my bag from the bench. It's pretty wet but I think the inside should be dry.

"We're far past that at this point Bradley." I bite my lip and turn to him. If I wasn't so frustrated with him, I would kiss him. How does he look divine soaking wet? Stop focusing on that, I snap at myself.

"She kissed me and it was nice and familiar and comforting. For a minute, it was like the old days when a kiss could fix everything." He looks down at the ground and I wipe my face.

"And then?" I ask, fearing the answer.

"And then we pulled away and kissed some more. Which led to us being on the couch, which is when it dawned on me that there was nothing between us but nice and familiar and comforting." It breaks my heart to hear this. I don't want to hear this.

"Brad-" he interrupts me.

"I pushed her away. I told her that I will always love her but she's not the one." I want to hope that means I'm the one but I don't even know if that's true. I don't know how this thing will go.

"Okay." I whisper and push my hair back.

"Look, I don't know if you're the one yet but I do know that I feel so much more for you than I have for anyone. I know that you excite me and calm me all at the same time. I've never felt more out of my comfort zone but so at home. So I can't tell you that this is forever but I want to fall mindlessly, carelessly, dangerously in love with you Natalie." My head snaps to his and my eye widen. Out of all the things I expected to hear, I never considered that this might be as real for him as it is for me.

"But you were with Sarah for so long."

"Which is exactly what makes me qualified to say this to you, Nat."

"But I'm scarred and damaged." I'm full on crying right now.

"I will personally spend every day mending your wounds."

"But-" he kisses me hard and I drop my bag onto the ground. Once the shock wears off, I kiss him back breathlessly. Never in a million years did I think I would have the romantic kissing in the rain scene.

"Can I take you home now? You're freezing." He pulls away and I nod. He grabs my bag and we run to his apartment together.

Dropping my bag on the floor, Brad attaches to my lips and I sigh. We go to work taking our clothes off and pulling apart only when necessary.

"Slow Brad. You have me. We don't have to hurry." I grab his face softly and he kisses me gently.

"I'm afraid if I stop, you'll disappear." I squint at him and he shakes his head.