Finding You

Judgement

"Hey, Jeremy. What's up?" I ask, hoping to end this quickly. I know that he's probably calling with an update on Dan but I want to spend my evening not worrying about that. I want to cuddle on the couch and watch TV and just relax.

"I just wanted to let you know that Dan is in rehab. It's just a 30 day program but he's getting some help." He tells me and I nod slowly. That's where he needs to be. That's good.

"Thanks for letting me know. Thanks for getting him that help." I tell him slowly and he takes a deep breath.

"I'm just sorry that we didn't catch him in time to save what bit of friendship we all had. Carter and I feel like we aren't allowed to be friends with you anymore." Jeremy says and I frown. I was never as close with them as I was with Dan. I don't know why that is but that's just how it happened.

"I would love to keep being friends with you guys. I don't know why we weren't all closer to begin with."

"Dan called dibs. We weren't allowed to be a part of that with."

"That's not how things work. At least that's not how they work now." I tell him with a sigh. Why does he think that he had some kind of claim on me? That doesn't make any sense to me. I never even gave him the impression that I wanted him in any way.

"Am I keeping you from something?" He asks and I look down at my feet. Honestly, no but talking to you feels wrong. Feels like something I shouldn't be doing.

"Not exactly." I tell him softly and cover my eyes. Get off of the phone with him.

"Are you with Brad?" He asks and i'm shocked that he would even ask.

"Not tonight. I had to work late and have an early morning meeting that I should already be in bed for."

"Something keeping you awake?" He asks and I think.

"Just work stuff and now I'll be rearranging the band's schedule as far as shows and interviews." Thankfully, I have Jordan now. I don't know if I'll let her do stuff with the band yet but she will be a huge help.

"Oh, sorry about that. To be honest with you, I didn't know that you actually did as much as you do."

"I stay fairly busy now."

"I see that. I guess I should let you go, shouldn't I ?" He asks and I nod.

"I should go. I'm exhausted." I tell him softly.

"Good night, Natalie. I'll talk to you soon." He hangs up and I sit my phone on the coffee table. I hope everything goes okay with them. I grab my phone and call Brad.

"Hey you." He answers cheery as ever. I don't know how he does it honestly. I couldn't.

"I miss you. How is that possible?" I ask with a half smile.

"I could come over for a minute if you want? Sarah has Chuck for the night and I'm done filming for the day."

"I would love to see you even for a minute." I tell him softly.

"I'll be right over then. I love you." He tells me and hangs up. I stand up and unlock the door for him. He usually just comes on in. I walk to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water to soothe my throat. This time of year always gets my allergies going. It's weird weather for Georgia, 80 one day and a blizzard the next.

A couple knocks at the door makes me look over before Brad opens it and our eyes meet. I can't help but smile. I missed him today.

"Hey." He closes the door softly. I sit my bottle down and walk to him. I kiss him softly and he wraps his arms around me.

"How was your day?" I ask.

"It just got a lot better. Yours?"

"So long. I'm glad you're here though." I kiss him again.

"Have I told you that I love these?" He rubs his hands down to my shorts before back up and under my tank top. His cold hands make goosebumps trail down my body but I weirdly like it.

"I'll make sure to get some more then." His strong arms hold me tightly.

"And you have no bra on." He comments and I blush.

"I didn't know you were coming over or I would have put one on." I tell him and he thinks for a minute before looking down at me confused.

"Do you always wear a bra?" He asks with a bewildered expression.

"As soon as I come home, it's usually off. I despise the torture devices."

"Then stop wearing it at my apartment."

"I didn't know we were at that stage yet."

"What stage?" He asks with a small smile.

"The comfortable stage? Ya know, where I don't look and act perfect all the time." I blush.

"I can't believe you think I expect you to look all made up all the time. That's actually kind of hilarious. I'm begging you to take your bra off more." He full on smiles and I hide my face in his chest.

"I just didn't know."

"Natalie, I love you. Bra or no bra, makeup or none, hair up or down, tennis shoes or heels." I kiss him softly. Just say it back.

"I think I might maybe, kinda L-O-V-E you too." I tell him, frowning at the fact that I can't get that word out to him. I can fucking spell it but god forbid I say it. My face turns a deep red. I'm so embarrassing.

"Really, Nat?" He looks down at me and I close my eyes for a long moment.

"I tried. I thought maybe if I said it that my heart and brain would sync up but I can't even get the word out. I can't make myself say it to you." My eyes fill with tears and Brad runs his thumbs under my eyes.

"There is no rush on saying it back. Don't force it."

"You just say it all the time and I'm so scared that you won't be able to wait for me to catch up to you and then it'll be too late."

"I'm not going anywhere, especially if you're taking your time to be sure of us. I couldn't rush that if I wanted to." He tells me.