Finding You

A Promise

I wake with a startle from my nightmare. I was falling. Whatever happened before was gone and I was just falling into a dark deep abyss. I rub my face and sigh. 'This isn't your room' I remind myself as I turn and see the side of the bed empty. I'm sure I passed out and turned over. I can't sleep cuddled. Most of the time I lay on my belly to sleep.

I stand and stretch as I walk out of the room. I go to the bathroom and try to fix my appearance. I look like I was rode hard and put up wet.

"I'm gonna be giving away two copies of this game, both for PlayStation of course. Just leave a comment when you found my channel and I'll announce the winners over on twitter. And... let's get into this." I smile as I lean against the door to watch him. He's gorgeous. I think he's just filming mass intros but either way.

I walk quietly through the room and stand behind him. I touch his back gently and he jumps a little but other than that, doesn't make a noise. I smile and play with the bottom of his shirt, letting our skin touch every so often.

"Good morning." Brad says and I smile.

"More like afternoon." I put my other hand on his side and pull his shirt up slowly.

"Did you sleep well?" I press my lips against his spine.

"I did." I whisper, letting my lips barely touch his skin. I move up a little and place another kiss on his back.

"Do you feel better?" He asks and I take a breath in and let it out slowly, letting the cool air hit his back.

"I do for the most part." Another kiss placed so gently it tickled my lips.

"Maya will be ready to come home on Tuesday." My breathing hitches. I must've left my phone in here.

"The vet called?" I pause my antics.

"Yeah, said she's doing fine." I smile and rub my nose against his back slowly. I sprinkle kisses along his skin.

"Jordan is also almost finished with her half of the work. She said to tell you to call her later and send over the other files."

"You told Jordan what happened?" I ask softly.

"I just don't think you should have to worry about work today." I can see him set the controller down. He's so kind.

"I'll get in touch with Jordan then." He hugs me tightly before letting me go. I sit on the couch and begin typing out an email to Jordan, while he makes more intros and films.

Closing the laptop, I rub my face and lean onto the couch. I analyze Brad while he isn't looking. I've been thinking a lot and have this overwhelming feeling that I should tell him everything. Just when we thought the tragedy was over.

"Can I tell you something?" I ask softly and he looks at me with a half smile.

"Anything." He mutes the TV and turns so we're looking at each other. I take a deep calming breath.

"Did you ever want kids?" I ask slowly, letting the words slide out.

"Maybe once when I was younger but I don't feel the need to have them and I haven't in a long time." He says and looks down.

"I went through that phase when I was married. We even tried for a while." Brad looks at me and as if he knows, he looks sad for me.

"It didn't happen?" He asks and I shrug.

"It did a couple times." I whisper and grab his hand. I let our fingers tangle together and try to figure out how to tell him that even if he changes his mind one day, the chances of me having kids are slim.