Finding You

I Want More of You

"So, you seriously never thought about Dan like that?" Brad asks and I shake my head.

"Truly. He's always been a nice guy, don't get me wrong, but he never made a move until recently. I mean, I get not wanting to flirt with a married woman but I was separated and moved out of the state for months and he never tried anything." I tell him and he half smiles.

"Had we not met, would you have been with him?" He asks and it's a strange question. Part of me wants to say that I would have but the part of me that knows Dan, knows how he treats women. Even if he said otherwise, I can't trust that I would have ever been enough for him.

"I don't know honestly. I've know Dan for years and I know how careless he is with the women in his life."

"When did he start showing affection towards you?"

"Knowing what I know now, the day we first took the dogs on the walk. We had made the deal and he called wanting to take me to Milan with him. I think that was the first time he showed real interest."

"You chose me to celebrate with?" He asks shocked and I half smile.

"Of course. You were one of the firsts that I wanted to tell the good news to."

"Why me though?" He asks and I look away from him. How crazy would I sound if I told him that I always felt sure of him? That even though we weren't even dating, it felt wrong to even entertain the idea of going out with someone else.

"I've been watching your videos for years and I got to celebrate your accomplishments with you. You were such a source of comfort to me and knowing you were succeeding at whatever you did, made me so happy. And then I met you, and you made me feel like my life wasn't this sad tragic story that kept getting more tragic. You celebrated the little things with me and you hardly knew me. So, when I had a big thing to tell you, I knew that you would celebrate my accomplishment and not make it into something it wasn't, if that makes sense." I nuzzle my face into his side and he lightly traces patterns on my shoulder.

"You wanted to share the news with someone who'd be proud of you." He says softly and I nod.

"I'm sure Dan was happy for me but he wanted to party and get drunk and probably have sex and I just wanted someone to eat dinner with and have a glass of wine."

"That's all you wanted?" He jokes and I blush.

"Okay, I would have taken sex too but not the rest of it." I kiss his side softly.

"I think about how things might had gone if we'd open that other bottle that night."

"I think we would have ended up right back here. It's not like we made it very long anyways."

"What if we had done it that first night?" He asks and I shrug.

"I'm not that kind of girl. You never had a chance and if you had tried, I probably wouldn't have talked to you again."

"I wanted to. I was so hurt by Sarah and you were so kind and funny and tragic and for a moment I thought I would try."

"What changed your mind?"

"You made me laugh and you opened yourself up to me like no one I've ever met before."

"I still love hearing you laugh. It's one of my favorite sounds." I look up at him and he smiles.

"Id spend the rest of my life laughing if it would keep away all the things that make you sad."

"I'm not so sad anymore."

"You do smile more now. I can't imagine I have anything to do with that." He jokes and I kiss his chest.

"You make me happy in a way I haven't been in a really long time." He plays with my hair.

"I'm glad I can contribute to that."

"I'm sorry Dan was such a butthead tonight. I think you guys would have really gotten along."

"No harm, no foul. I'd be a little upset with the guy who got the girl too."

"I think I want to skip the concert tomorrow. They won't need me until later and honestly? I just don't know if it's a good idea to be around Dan after tonight."

"We can skip if that's what you want."

"I know we can but I'm not sure if we should."

"Whatever makes you happiest." He tells me and I sigh.

"Maybe a shower for now. I've got a little time to really decide." I roll onto my back and sigh.

"Should I follow? I can help lather you up again." He rolls on his stomach to look at me.

"As nice as that sounds, I think I need a minute to recover." I play with his hair and he blushes.

"It wasn't too rough, was it?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No, just rougher than usual and if I'm not careful, I'll be sore."

"I'm surprised you can walk. You love wrapping your legs around me." He pokes fun at me.

"Stop it." I tell him playfully and he lays his head down.

"I think I'm addicted to you." He says and I almost laugh until he looks back at me. He's serious.

"Do you want space?" I ask softly, terrified that he'll say yes.

"No, I want more of you all the time and I don't know how to deal with that."

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

"You know that feeling you get when you eat one chip and you want more? You can stop at one chip but all you can think about is more chips?" That's actually a pretty clear metaphor.

"You can have as much of me as you want." I tell him and he half smiles.

"I want to be selfish with you, though. I want all of your kisses and all of your smiles. I've never craved someone as much as I crave you." He tells me and I blush. Wow.

"Then what can I do to make it better?"

"I don't want to be better. I just want to have you around more, if that's okay." I nod.

"As often as you want me."

"Could I persuade you to spend a couple nights with me when we go home?"

"Like stay a couple nights with you instead of going straight home?" I ask confused. As if Thursday-Sunday isn't enough for him.

"I mean if you want to but I meant more like weekly. I want to spend my nights with you more."

"Oh, okay. Does it always have to be your place?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"I would love to come to yours as well."

"I think we can do that." I lightly trace patterns on his face and he holds my hand, leaning into it.