Finding You

Moon and Back

"Let me run an idea by you." Brad says and I look up from my laptop. I could've swore he was recording. I must've just blocked it all out for a bit.

"Uh, sure." I close my laptop and give him my full attention.

"So we're going to meet your family and I just thought maybe we could make it a long trip."

"Like a vacation?" I lean my head against my hand, which is resting on the arm of the couch.

"Um, I was thinking more of maybe stopping to see my family for a couple days." This shouldn't surprise me. I asked him to meet my family this week and it's only fair that I meet his.

"Yeah, I'll take the week off." I half smile. Fuck. I haven't met enough parents to know how to do this. Honestly, I don't think Alex's parents ever liked me to begin with.

"Are you sure? You look a little pale." Oh, do I?

"I've only ever met Alex's parents and they never liked me. What'll you do if they don't like me?" I ask and look down at my knees.

"Just break up with you right on the spot." He says and I roll my eyes.

"I'm serious Bradley. What if your mom hates me? Or your dad thinks I'm with you for your money?"

"I don't know. We can cross that bridge when we get there. I just need you to trust me when I say they'll love you because I love you." He moves from his chair and sits on the floor in front of me. He grabs my hands and I look down at him.

"Sometimes that isn't enough, though." I whisper.

"Yeah, but it is for them." He kisses my hands softly and I sigh.

"Would you really break up with me if they don't like me?" He chuckles and tugs me to him. I wrap my legs around him, butt in his lap, and he rubs my back.

"I love you too much to break up with you over something so small." He kisses me softly and I half smile.

"Promise?" My voice is just above a whisper.

"Of course. There's not much you could do that would make me ever think about ending this relationship."

"Even though I'm annoying sometimes?"

"You are perfect, Natalie. Stop trying to find ways to insult yourself." He hugs me tightly and I rest my face in his shoulder.

"Even if I smell sometimes?" I jerk up and smile and he rolls his eyes.

"I can always just put you in the shower again."

"You are exponentially stronger than me."

"You're strong too." He says with a smile.

"Hmm, what if I stop cooking one day? Would you break up with me then?"

"Im a grown man. I know how to cook for two." He shrugs.

"What if I am just with you for the money?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"Then stop working all the damn time and love me more." He slides his hands down to my bottom and I blush.

"Bradley." I giggle as he squeezes each cheek.

"Any other 'what if" scenarios?"

"What if I really never tell you out loud how I feel? Actions aside because I will always be able to show you. What if I can never put into words how you make me feel?" He half smiles and takes a deep breath in.

"It would be hard to never hear it, I'm not gonna lie to you. It's hard to say it to you all the time and never get it back. But then I remember how hurt you were by love. How many times it's burned you. And then I'm always back to the beginning- being so amazed that you can still manage to make me feel loved by all the little things you do. And that's enough for me. You are enough and I want you no matter how you're able to tell me or not." He wipes my tears away and I kiss him. I kiss him with every fiber of my being screaming at me to say it to him, to tell him I love him. I don't know how I ever went this long without this need to say something.

"Lay back." Wait, no. You weren't supposed to say that. You were supposed to tell him you love him. My heart and brain are having a disconnect. They seem to have 2 different things in mind.

"I love you." He tells me and I pause. Say. It. Tell him. Do something. Jesus, I hate my brain.

"I'm trying, Bradley." I tell him softly and he kisses me.

"Just show me." He says and I blink.

"I would change my mind about everything if you wanted to. I would get married, get pregnant, adopt a million kids, a million dogs. I would do anything in this world that you asked of me." I tell him softly and he smiles.

"What if I asked you to say it?"

"You wouldn't because you want me to say it to you on my own accord."

"What if I'm just feeling selfish today?" He asks and I blush.

"I'll do my best to say it. I'll spell it out, I'll tattoo it on my hand, I'll write it."

"I want to ask you to say it." He whispers.

"Then ask me, Bradley. Watch me fumble with my words, turn maroon. Watch me try as hard as I can." He closes his eyes.

"I can't do that to you." He breathes out.

"I love the way you smile and the sound of your laughter. I love the way you touch me. I love how protective you are of me. I love hearing you say how much you love me. I love sleeping next to you. I love when I look at you and you're already looking at me. I love that you don't mind hanging out on the floor with me. There are so many things about you that I love, Bradley. But you, are the most important thing." Yeah, that works. That's kinda saying it.

"Only you could work around saying I love you and still end up saying it." He smiles and kisses me.

"I am creative, if nothing." I joke and he shakes his head.

"So much more than creative." He starts unbuttoning my shirt and I close my eyes with a smile. One day I won't have to beat around the bush but I guess for now, this is enough.