The Colour of Sadness

what changed?

I'm jealous.
Of myself.
The old me.

Funny how back then, I always desired this.

Stronger.
Better.
Braver.

I...I almost wish I was that child again.

I was so naive and immature, playful, arrogant, self - obsessed.

I knew so little.

I knew not of the sufferings that came with being born into this cruel world.

I didn't know pain, I didn't know loss, I didn't know emptiness.

I knew nothing.

Ignorance really was bliss.

I wished for strength, so I traded innocence.

I wished for power, so I had to lose someone who meant more than the world to me.

And what good is it?

What good is all of this?

I couldn't even save, I couldn't even reach the one who carried me on their shoulders.

He haunts my every waking step, he still stands silently in the corner of my mind. And every time I close my eyes, he fractures into pieces.

These new powers are strong, so why couldn't I reach you?

With power, comes solitude.

I'm lonely.

All alone.

Standing in the snow,
Standing on the ice,
Standing on the clouds

I envied those that fought.
I craved battle, the glory and the light.

But now, it's nothing more than a dangerous line of work.

I miss me.

The past me.

Weak, but at least her smiles were genuine.

Naive, but at least her eyes shone.

I'm jealous of my old self

For the person she was

I've changed

So much.

Am I...can I even still be called myself?

What did I even want in the beginning?
Why am I doing all this?
How did I even end up like this?

I don't even look the same.

With every bit of flesh I lost, I lost a piece of my soul too.

I'm jealous of my old self.

Why did she ever long for change?

Author's Note
If you couldn't already tell, the past three chapters are all connected into one story. They're inspired by Land of the Lustrous and well, if you know, you know. Nonetheless, they can be read without any context so you don't really have to get the references.