The Colour of Sadness

the reason i wanted to die

When the days are cold,
And the leaves turn gold,
Who would be willing to hold
My hand
As we descend into the river?

Heart as cold as ice
Skin as hot as fire
Who would be willing to see me,
As a human?

Hair like spider's webs
Eyes like deadly whirlpools
Who would trust me enough,
Not to strangle them in my embrace?

See, he saw me as a human
Took my hand and threw himself
Into my arms

A soul, unafraid of death.

Unafraid of this empty heart,
Hollow veins,
Which never loved anyone,
Or anything, at all
Dared to touch, this liveless skin
Dead soul,
Half buried in the soil

A reason to die for,
A person to die for
A purpose to die for,
A longing to die

For this mannequin to be destroyed.

For this heart to feel at least once,

What it felt like to feel,

The blood rushing through my head
Through my lungs and to my fingertips

As a wish gets fulfilled.

The reason I wanted to die,

Was because a doll knows not emotion
Human touch or tears
Love, pain, a manmade sculpture

Such an existence, is a paradox
For does one exist, if other people
Do not acknowledge their existence?

The reason I wanted to die,

To prove I bleed like a human,
That my ceramic heart,
Breaks like flesh tears apart
That I exist as a mortal,
Not the statue that time forgot

He saw me as a human,
But I knew that I was already gone
With my lips of paint and eyes of marble
At least I could die,
With my bloody existence
On someone's hands.

Not the greek goddess who bled ichor
But the mortal girl who bled just like anyone
The girl who couldn't find,

Her reason to live.