The Colour of Sadness

contradictions

I don't like you.

I loathe you.

Every single part of you, I despise it.

But somehow,

I can't stop looking at you when the teacher's droning on in class,

I can't stop reaching out to you when your eyes don't smile

And god, I want you so much

But I hate your guts

You're the reason why I want to let go

But the reason why I'm still hanging on

Cause' you are, you are the reason why my head's still above water

Even when everything makes me want to drown deep under

And if destiny was predestined

We must have been cursed from the start

We crashed like meteorites, and exploded like dying stars running on nothing but the heat of the sun

I loved you like how the earth loves us

I gave too much, suffered too much

And yet it was never enough

You loved me like a flickering lightbulb

Sometimes coming into my life and bringing the heat

And suddenly disappearing, without a word, taking the light with you, leaving me waiting in the dark

I was always afraid, you know?

That one day, you would take the light with you forever, and I would never see the sun again

But the truth is, the sun never left

It's just that you took my feelings, my senses, and everything that I held dear

And the heat didn't warm my skin anymore

I hate you so much, you know that?

No one can hate you with more intensity than someone who used to love you

You stole my heart, and gave it away to someone else

And now, I can never learn what it means to not love you

Because somewhere out there, my heart still beats cruelly, telling me you're my one and only

Love brings about miracles.

And sometimes tragedies.

But my love is a contradiction

I hate that I love you

Did you ever notice?

Your kisses tasted of bittersweet poison, mixed with a tinge of death

But I couldn't stop drinking them in,

And you were slowly killing me.