Fix You

XXIX.

Michael's POV

I'm pulled over on the side of the road because I'm torn. I sit in silence for a few seconds as my legs nervously shake. I never thought things would get like this with Alex. I never thought I'd be admitting that I love her or that she'd keep such drastic things from me. But I especially never thought I'd hear that she loves me as much as I love her. My phone goes off and interrupts my thoughts. It's Calum. It's almost like he knows. "Hey Mikey, where are you? I got back and you were gone." I don't wanna sound pathetic but I already know I do. "I was actually headed to go see Alex, but I panicked. So now I'm sitting in my car on the side of the road." Calum giggles a bit which lightens the mood a bit. "Mikey, go talk to her. You guys need to talk. You're Michael fucking Clifford, stop being such a pussy and go." I laugh out loud because Calum actually made me feel a lot better. I decide to just get it over with and head to Alex's place.

Her mom answers the door and instantly hugs me. "Michael, sweetie, come in." She sweetly says as I take my Chucks off by the door. "Is Alex home?" I ask digging my hands into my pockets. "Yeah, she's been pretty sick lately. But I'm sure she'd love to see you." I can't deny the sympathy in her eyes. I don't have a clue if Alex told her about our stupid fight but I'm pretty sure she found out somehow. "Oh Mikey, I was just making her some tea, would you mind bringing it up to her?" I smile at her and nod. I don't feel uncomfortable, I just feel really quilty. She hands me the mug and I head up to Alex's room.

I knock twice but there's no answer. I swing open the door and her back is to me as she lays on her queen size bed fast asleep. Her body is only taking up a small portion of her bed and I try to be as quiet as possible without waking her. I set her tea down on her nightstand and notice that her closet door is open so I start quietly rummaging through all of her band tees. As I slowly look through them, I'm noticing that a lot of them are mine and it actually makes me really happy. I love when Alex steals my clothes. She always says that mine are more comfortable than hers and she looks so much better in them than I ever will. I walk to her desk and a small pile of magazines with me and the lads on the covers catches my eye. I pick them up and I know I'm smiling like an idiot at the fact that she actually bought these. Underneath them, I see a notebook with the word IDIOT scribbled on the front and I look over at Alex asleep in her bed. Now I'm reassured that Calum was telling the truth and I'm desperately fighting the urge to read more of what's inside. I kinda like the idea of her writing dirty things about me. But as curious as I am to read it, I don't bother.

She has some small candles burning on her dresser and the smell of cinnamon is filling her room. This is the first time I've actually spent time in Alex's room since I've been home and everything is how it always is; perfect. I notice a framed picture that Ashton sent her of all of us before we played our first show in America, sitting on her dresser. I remember him sending this to her like it was yesterday and she even has his text message that reads 'We miss you and love you heaps x' in the frame with it. My first thought is how bad our hair is in this picture but I love that Alex has it framed. I can't help but wonder how little things like this must have meant to her while we were gone. I feel guilty for ever leaving her and having everything fall apart this way.

I roll up the sleeves on my flannel and slowly sit on her bed, leaning against the headboard. I cross my legs and interlock my hands. I hope she doesn't get upset when she realizes I'm here. Maybe she won't even wake up but now that I know she's sick, I don't plan on leaving.

After awhile, her mom knocks on the door and lets herself in. "I didn't realize she was asleep. Are you hungry or anything?" She whispers to me and I shake my head.  She takes out Alex's dishes from earlier and smiles at how awkwardly silent I'm being. I turn on her TV, instantly muting it and I grab the PS3 controller to kill some time while Alex sleeps. It's hard for me to silently play video games and I keep forgetting she's asleep next to me. I feel the bed move a bit and she turns around to face me.

Alex's POV

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" My eyes shutter open and I hear Michael's voice. There's a dim light from the TV shining in my room and I feel like I'm dreaming. I look around for a second gaining consciousness before I turn over to see Michael in my bed, playing video games. He looks so beautiful and I half smile with tired eyes. "Michael!? What are you doing here?" My voice is a bit raspy and my heart is already pounding. I'm really surprised to see him and I feel the need to cry my eyes out. "I just wanted to play PS3," He teases and I'm so confused. He pauses the game and looks at me, his eyes are gleaming. "How was your nap?" He asks and I feel my stomach flutter. My legs feel hot from my comforter and my chest is sweating a bit. I fell asleep in just a tank top and panties and my body still feels so hot. "It was good. I'm actually starting to feel better," I'm avoiding eye contact with him because he's too beautiful for words and I feel completely breathless. As much as I love that he's here right now, I wish he weren't for the sake that I'm in my underwear and I feel so hot. "Do you need me to do anything for you?" He half smiles at me and I try hard to push my dirty thoughts to the back of my mind. "Could you just open my window? If you don't mind, I'm just really hot." He chuckles to himself, but gets up to crack open my window. I have butterflies in my stomach as he stands up and on the back of his red flannel, the word 'IDIOT' is painted in white. I don't say anything about it but I need to address the elephant in the room.

"Why are you being so nice to me? I thought you'd never wanna see me again." I'm amazed that I managed to get that out but I don't know how else to go about this. "That would never happen, Alex. And yes, what you did fucking sucks but I understand why you hid it from me. Just please never ever keep anything from me again. Seriously." I have goosebumps at how understanding he's being. I feel speechless. I really don't deserve any of this. "I'm so sorry for everything, Michael," I say on the verge of tears. He leans down next to me propping himself up on his elbow. By the way Michael is brushing everything off, I can tell this past week has been hell for him as well. I start to tear up and he instantly takes his flannel sleeve wiping them away. I  "Would it be okay if asked to see your arms?" I don't like looking at my scars but my heart is starting to ache knowing he wants to see them. I sit up, making sure to cover my lower half, and remove the bracelets slowly, putting out my marked wrists. His eyes are glowing as he slowly runs his fingertips gently across them. Tears fall from my eyes because just seeing him reassures me that everything will be okay. "Alex, please don't ever hurt yourself like this again. Please promise me." He says to a near whisper and it shakes me. Hearing him tell me not to is all I ever needed. The way his fingertips feel across my wrists causes goosebumps to rise all over my skin. He's glaring into my eyes and I can't stop crying. "I promise I'll never do anything like that ever again. Just please don't hate me for this. I've gotten better, I promise. I need you, Michael." I try to explain but he cuts me off by grabbing my face and pulling me into an aggressive kiss.