Fix You

XLIX.

Michael's POV

Alex lasted about two hours before passing out again so I've just been packing my suit case while she peacefully sleeps. I ended up taking that picture of my dick on her phone just because she won't ever expect it. I got bored and decided to write my initials on her arm with a heart. It's almost around 5 AM and our flight doesn't leave for a few hours. I woke up the boys who all fell asleep on the couch and told them to go to bed but of course, Luke had no choice but to sleep in my bed since Alex is currently hogging his bed. I fold all my shirts as neatly as possible and put them into my suitcase. I kinda wish Alex or even my mum were helping me with this. They're much better at this kind of stuff. I grab my duffle bag from when we stayed at the hotel and I empty it into my suitcase. Alex's journal falls out and there's a sudden pain in my chest. I forgot that I took this. I can't even believe that I took it. I feel so guilty for taking it from her without her knowing but I just don't want to give it back. My hands are shaking but I can't help it. I know it's so wrong but this could be all I have of hers when I'm on tour. I feel so tempted to begin reading it but instead I bury it into the bottom of my suitcase. I hate myself for doing this but I'm so eager to know her every last thought. The door to Luke and Ash's room swings open and I hurriedly zip up my suitcase. Alex walks into the bathroom without even noticing me in the living room and I begin to panic. She comes out of the bathroom in her knee socks, cute pajama shorts, and a white v neck, with her hair still a bit damp from our shower earlier. She rubs at her eyes and notices me getting my stuff together. "Why did you let me fall asleep?" She says in a groggy tone, yawning at the end of her sentence. "You were tired. I wasn't going to wake you," I say smiling and she sits over on the couch admiring me. "I wanted to stay up with you and help you do all this," she whines and it makes me blush. "I got it, babe. But you can keep me up now. I'm struggling here," I lay on the couch and she rests her legs on my lap. "These are so hot," I say rubbing my hand on her knee socks and caressing the bare skin of her thigh. She stretches her arms up and her back arches off the couch. "Thanks, Mikey," she smiles grabbing a hold of my hand and resting her head on my shoulder. "I hate folding clothes so much. It's always the worst part of packing," I spit and she goes into the kitchen to make herself some coffee. "I can go through everything and make it neater if you want," I hear her walk towards my suitcase and I jump from the couch. "No, no, no. Don't worry about it. I don't mind having my shit stuffed in there," I can feel my face turning red and I hope she doesn't question me. She shrugs her shoulders then goes back into the kitchen to grab her coffee. I lay back on the couch and slowly shut my eyes. I'm about ready to fall asleep when I hear Alex set her mug down and she climbs onto my lap. I lazily open my eyes at her and she straddles my waist. She tucks her head into the crook of my neck and I wrap my arms around her waist. She lightly kisses the side of my neck and I feel so relaxed. Neither one of us say a word and I place my hands on her ass. "I'm going to miss you so much," I faintly say as she continues to lightly peck my neck. "And I'm going to miss you so much more," she whispers, still sucking at my neck. Fuck, she's turning me on again and I'm just so exhausted. "Maybe you can come visit us sometime. I'll fly you out and everything," she looks at me with the biggest smile on her face. "I'd love that, Michael." She locks her fingers into mine and lightly presses her lips against mine. I grab onto her neck deepening the kiss and I hear a door open in the house. "Glad to see you guys made up," Ashton says loudly and Alex starts to laugh. "Good morning, Ash" she says sweetly and I pay no mind to him. "I hate him sometimes," I say referring to Ashton completely cock blocking Alex and I. She hops off my lap and now I'm even more disappointed. She's driving me crazy walking around in those knee socks and short shorts. I put a pillow over my crotch to try to tame my boner. All of the boys start to wake up and we're all hurrying to make sure all of our stuff is ready. I still haven't spoken to Calum and up until he woke up, I had forgotten about how he kissed Alex. Now that I've managed to think about it, I'm really bothered again. But I should probably just let it go for now.

We head to the airport and run into some fans and paparazzi swarming us. I hold onto Alex's hand as tight as possible. She never gets to see what we go through and I hate that it has to be like this but I'm trying to cherish every last second with her. Our families are all surrounded by the gate and it's almost time for us to leave.

Alex's POV

I'm feeling a bit accomplished since I've been at this airport for awhile now and I haven't managed to cry once. My heart has been racing all morning everytime I even glance at Michael. I think I'm just ready to deal with this and start the life I should've had all along. The fans were intense this morning and I have a newfound love and respect for everything the boys do. Even in being surrounded by all of this chaos, they're still my four best friends I've known my whole life. All of the boys' families are saying their goodbyes and I'm starting to feel a bit upset. I make sure to hug all the boys tightly before sending them off. I hug Calum and he squeezes me waist. "I'm so sorry for everything," I whisper trying not to bring too much attention to us. "I told him, Alex," Calum whispers and my stomsch drops. "You what? So he knows?" I'm freaking out and I keep cautiously looking over at Michael. "I - I told him that I kissed you," I'm so confused and I hate that this is all coming up right now. "Calum, why would you do that?" My heart is starting to hurt and now I feel the need to cry. He squeezes me tightly again. "I did it so he wouldn't hate you. I told you, you mean more to him than you'll ever know," Tears fall down my cheek and I'm so hurt. Calum willingly threw himself under the bus for something I did even if that meant Michael hated him. "I love you, Alex. Please take care of yourself," he whispers into my hair and my heart is beating fast. I go over to Michael who is standing with his parents. I'm trying to smile even with tears in my eyes.  "We'll leave you two alone," Michael's mom says kissing his forehead and his dad pats his shoulder. I instantly wrap my arms around him tightly and start to sob. "Please don't cry, please. It's going to be so much harder for me to leave," he has a tight grip on my waist and I never want to let go. "I'm going to call you as soon as we land, and we can facetime this week. I want you to call me whenever you need to talk, I don't care what time it is. And if I don't answer, pour your heart out to my voicemail," he uses the sleeve of his shirt to wipe my eyes and smiles at me. "And look, I have Daniel to sleep with every night just so I can think of you," he pulls out the stuffed lion from yesterday and I start to cry more. "You named him Daniel?" I ask, starting to laugh. "Yeah, it's a cool name," God, he's so fucking cute. "I'm going to try really hard not to kiss you because it's going to hurt too much," he whispers into my hair and the boarding call goes off on the loud speaker. "I love you, Michael Gordon." I say smiling into his shoulder and he chuckles back. "And I love you, Alexandra Louise." He kisses my cheek and breaks the hug. I take a deep breathe watching all of the boys head to the door and I'm trying to keep telling myself that I'll be okay. The door closes and Michael's mom hugs me tightly.

I feel completely breathless and I'm trying not to break down in the middle of the airport. I wipe my eyes and try to breathe. "Are you going to be okay to drive home, sweetie?" Karen says to me as I leave the airport with the rest of the boys' families. "Yeah, I'll be okay. Thanks," I'm trying to sound convincing but the look on her face tells me she's not buying it. "You're always welcome to come over if you ever need anything,"

I go into my car and take a minute to calm down before getting ready to leave. I start to think about Calum admitting to Michael that he kissed me. I kept wondering why they seemed so distant this morning. It's driving me insane that not only does Michael probably hate Calum right now but its al because of me. Shit. A few tears start to fall and I keep covering my eyes to stop myself. I reach for the auxiliary chord and notice black marking on my arm. I look on the inside of my arm and see 'MGC ♡' sloppily written on my arm. I start to break down in my car.

I don't feel sad. I'm not angry. These tears are from so much joy. Tears of joy because I love Michael so much. I love having him as my best friend. As fucked up and awful my life is, I'm still so grateful to have Michael in it. He makes me so mad, so happy, so proud. I keep smiling at his initials on my arm and it makes me feel as if everything will be okay. I'm going to be okay.