Fix You

XLIII.

Alex's POV

I woke up cold and with no one to cuddle me. My body is so sore and this duvet is enough to keep my bare body warm. I check my phone and I'm surprised to see a text from Michael.

Michael: Good morning loser :) I'm writing with the lads, but I love you so much xx

I'm glad he found the time to text me while he's with the band. It's almost time for me to get used to him always being busy again. He works really hard so I try my best to understand. I pull my panties over my hips and rummage through Mikey's bag in hopes to find one of his jumpers to snag since the room is quite cold. I pull out his black Misfits sweater and put it over my bare chest. A small baggie hits my thighs and I pick it up to see that it's pot. I begin to question why Michael has weed with him but I set it back in his bag before I feel the need to rummage through everything. I can't remember the last time we got high together but it's surely been awhile. I pull the ends of the sleeves over my hands and take in Michael's scent. I feel at my wrist and remember taking my bracelets off last night. I sit in silence admiring the scars on my wrists and for once, I don't feel a huge lump in my throat. I think back to last night when Michael asked if he was the reason I started to hurt myself and I don't know what could have ever made him think that. I wish I could physically make him realize that he was the only reason I wanted to keep holding on. My only hope at ever feeling happy with myself again. In all the time he's been home, we've added more memories, good and bad to this friendship and looking back, I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I'm thankful to be alive because of him. He inspires me more than anyone else I've ever known and he does it without even trying. He is my anchor, my everything, my best friend. I mentally shame myself for ever thinking that him being away on tour would change that. 

I feel really good today even with tired eyes and a sore body. I want to start on my homework but I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. I order room service and wait for it to arrive. I grab my books that I carted to the hotel and hop back into bed to start on my homework while I wait for Michael to get back.

After working on my essay for a few minutes, I hear a loud knock at the door. I'm expecting it to be Michael but I throw some pants over my legs just in case. I look through the peephole and see Calum standing in the hallway. "Cal, what are you doing here?" He rushes into the room in a panic. "I came to make sure things were okay with Michael. I'm sorry for barging in like this," he says and I'm starting to worry. "Where's Michael? Has he come back yet?" Calum asks searching the hotel room and now I'm really starting to worry. "No, he hasn't come back. Calum, what the hell is going on!?" My heart rate picks up and I have no idea what Calum is talking about. "I guess some paps caught us at lunch the other day and now the fans think we're dating. Luke brought it up during writing and Michael lost it," Calum explains and I'm panicking. Calum yanks my body towards his for a tight hug and my head is spinning. "Alex, there's something going on and I don't know what's happening. I mean, he actually thought I tried something with you," Calum explains to me and I feel sick knowing that Michael actually thinks I'd ever hurt him in that way. "What did you tell him?" I ask, fiddling with my fingernails. "Well, I told him that I told you about how he acted on tour." My chest feels heavy and I start to cry. "Calum, I'm really sorry but I'm so worried. Where is he?" I nervously pace the hotel room whining and I try to call Michael's phone but its off. "Calum, last night he mumbled on about how he'd constantly bring girls back to his hotel room and he felt like he wasn't being faithful to me. He just kept apologizing and rambling on like you said he did when you guys were away." I choke on my tears as I struggle to finish my sentence. "I'm so worried about him, Calum. It's breaking my heart, I want him to talk to me." Calum holds me close to his chest as I soak his shirt with tears. He begins to stroke my hair and I'm shaking from crying so much. Calum helps wipe my eyes when the click of the door opening grabs our focus and Michael walks in.

Michael's POV

I didn't want to but I'm having a fucking breakdown in this elevator. My chest hurts and it feels like more and more weight is being piled onto my shoulders. I chuck my phone against the wall and it smashes to the floor. I'm so fucking sick of this. First, it was my fucking dad taking shots at Alex which lead me to drink after I promised myself that I wouldn't. I still have no fucking clue if I used a condom last night and it's been sitting in the back of my mind, just how fucking stupid that was. I can't stand Calum right now and I'm probably ruining everything with the band. And there is no fucking way I can leave Alex for a year and a half. I get into my car and take my anger out on the steering wheel again. My entire body is weak yet all I see is red and I can't stop punching it. It feels like I've taken a heavy blow to the chest and I can't stop the hot tears from falling down my face. I sit in the car and get all of my anger out before I mistakenly take it out on someone else. Why do I fuck up everything in my life? I've been holding so much in lately and Alex is going to kick my ass when she finds out about all of it. I just need to go to her. I smile though my tears because this is how it's always been. Whenever I would get into fights with my dad, I'd always sneak out and walk to Alex's house. We would sit on her roof until 2 AM just talking and I don't recall a single time she didn't make me feel better. Even when she would already be asleep, if something was wrong, she would always be there. Sometimes we would go for long drives just having heart to heart conversations and the closer we got, somewhere along the line, I fell in love with her. Part of the reason I'd make myself sick on tour was because I was so wrapped up in the thought that Alex would forget about me and meet someone else to be friends with. I don't know what ever made me think that because I should've believed her when she said she'd always be there. She has always been my safe haven, my escape, my best friend. She makes me want to be a good person. As I park in the hotel garage, I take a few deep breaths, wipe my punctured knuckles with my shirt, and head up to our room.

I walk inside to see Alex crying into Calum's arms. "Of fucking course," I spit and Calum slowly stands from the bed. My body is physically in this hotel room but my head is somewhere unknown. I feel physically and mentally drained. Alex immediately notices my puffy eyes and beat up hands and her smile fades quickly. "Michael, what happened?" She jumps off the bed and walks towards me. Without saying a word, I grab her arm forcing her to hug me. I hold her head close to my chest and she's breathing heavily. But it's silent. Calum awkwardly stands there and I don't have the energy to even be pissed at him anymore. "I'm gonna let you guys talk. I'll let myself out," he whispers seeming uncomfortable and leaves the room. Our breaths are in sync and I can physically feel her washing all my pain away. "I forgive you, Alex," I whisper and this sharp pain in my chest causes more tears to fall. She looks up at me with sparkling eyes and she holds onto my face. "For what, Michael?" She gets choked up and seeing her cry is making me feel worse. "For not telling me about your accident. I understand now why you didn't want me to know," I say, trying to stop myself from crying. "Michael, please tell me what is going on? Did something happen? Where were you?" My throat starts to hurt and I'm trying to calm down. "Can we leave?" I whisper and my voice cracks. She looks into my eyes and quickly nods. While she gathers her stuff, I wash my busted hand and wrap a towel around my knuckles. I check out of the hotel and she hasn't bothered asking what's wrong. "I can drive, babe." She says and I put our stuff into the trunk. "No Alex, I'll drive," I say and she sits in the passenger seat. She sets her feet up on the dashboard of her car and lays back in the seat. I turn the radio up a bit and I feel Alex grab ahold of my hand, without saying a word. I'm beginning to look forward to this long drive with my favorite person in the entire world.