Divided Unity

Anonymity

There's something about a childhood curiosity

That masks vulgarity and animosity

It reeks of unprecedented ferocity

Concealing the crimes of our monstrosity

I'm the one whose scent is generosity

But my actions are all titled an atrocity

A mistress of utilizing the obscurest prosody

Guilty of lacking my claimed modesty

There's a sense of peace while remaining unnamed

Except by false monikers attached to my shame

I can change my identity and what lessons I've gained

I can be no longer to my darkened past chained

My hands with those memories' blood are stained

Each time I pay it thought deals me nothing but pain

I should have known better, I should have refrained

I shouldn't have let even that smile be feigned

There's a wonder to lacking a sense of remorse

For how I hurt others along my life's course

But there is no compassion in this empath's force

I've frozen myself numb for years at its source

Perhaps I may feel what your emotions bring forth

But inside I'm as cold as the winds of the north

I'm deaf to the screams and the cries of the wars

And pay no mind to all these mirrors for doors

There's a thrill to perhaps waiting to send a single link

Even when things have fallen and pushed past the brink

Spend my bored days planning pettiness in ink

Watch the hour hand waiting for a lethal drink

Ponder a few thoughts as just an excuse to think

Reexamine everything about myself, even my kinks

Scroll through dresses and tuxes and sparrow cufflinks

What lies visible isn't all that's pretty in pink

There's a question I ask: will they ever find out

What the lines in this poem are really about

Will they judge me or hate me or pity or shout

Will they leave me, stay with me, or ask me or doubt

I've said once that my mind's words had run as a drought

And I'm scattering hints all around and throughout

These points in my memory are those I'd like to gouge

But to who this aims towards, I still hold silent vows.