Fixing Us || l.h

Chapter Eleven**

Song 10 of the album is linked above^

I erase the lyric I just wrote, shaking my head. That looked as awful as it sounded in my head. I groan, leaning back in my chair. It shouldn't be this hard to write a fucking song.

I hear the door open, surprised anyone is still at the studio right now. It was almost 11 pm. I turn to the door as Luke walks in. "How come you're here so late?" He asks, sitting next to me. I hold up my notebook, slamming it down. I see Luke jump out of the corner of my eye, guilt churning in my stomach. "Sorry, just frustrated. Why are you still here?" I ask, putting my pencil down. "Recording something." He's leaning back in his chair, looking relaxed. "I saw the light on and came to investigate." He chuckles, glancing at me. 

"How many more songs until you're done with the album?" He asks, changing the subject. "I shift in my seat, glancing back at my notebook. I'd be done if I wasn't so scared to put out songs. I take a deep breath, shrugging. "I can't make up my mind about what I want on the album." He gives me a knowing smile. "That's sometimes harder than writing the songs themselves." He says, letting out a sigh of his own. I nod, feeling defeated by the day. 

"Is Blake still sick?" Luke asks. "Yeah, can't shake whatever it is." I nod again, closing my notebook. "If you want, you can stay at my place, I know you're probably avoiding the house so you don't get sick." I laugh, nodding. My damn immune system's been shot since I was a kid, if anyone around me were sick, I'd be next.

"Are you sure I wouldn't be a bother?" I ask, standing. "I've been good about avoiding Blake all week," I add as Luke stands. He towers over me, looking down with a soft smile. "It's no bother at all, you're still family to all of us, Dyl." My heart clenches when he uses his nickname for me, I didn't realize how much I missed it. Yeah, my brother and the guys called me Dyl, but the way Luke always said it, you could hear the love behind it.

"Then sure, thank you." I smile, gathering up my things. I follow him to his car, leaving mine in the garage to get later. I get in the passenger seat, immediately smelling Luke's cologne everywhere. God, I missed him so much. "Do you need anything before we get to my place?" He asks, glancing at me as he starts the car. "Do you have a spare toothbrush?" I question, facing forward. "Yup." "Then I'll be okay," I assure him with a short nod. He backs out of his spot in the garage, exiting and turning left. 

We ride in silence, but it doesn't feel as awkward as it did in the past. There's still a little bit of traffic, but we were in the heart of downtown, I wasn't surprised. He heads to his neighborhood, glancing at me again. "How have you been doing?" He finally asks, making a right. "Okay, I guess. Busy." I shrug, I am getting stressed again but I don't know how to make things easier. I'm still working on the asking-for-help thing. "How much longer until the album?" "Less than a month, Tom's getting mad."I let out a long sigh, staring at the road for a while.

"Do you want help picking out songs tomorrow? I'm sure the guys would be willing to help too." He offers, offering me a smile. "Maybe, right now it's just figuring out which one's I'm okay with the world hearing and which one's I'm not. This year was hard, some of these songs are rough." I hear the small sigh that escapes Luke, though it doesn't feel judgemental. Almost guilty, like he is deflating. He pulls into the driveway, shutting off the car. "Maybe some sleep will help you feel better? Clear your head a little?" I nod, getting out of the car and following him inside. 

He shows me to the guest room, coming back a moment later with a toothbrush and an extra towel. I shoot him a grateful smile, pausing as I start to close the door. "Thanks, Luke." "Of course." He nods, going into his own room. I pull off my sweatshirt and fall back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I don't know if I'm ready for any of the guys to hear any of the songs about Luke yet, at least the ones where it was painfully obvious.

---

Luke is the last one up the next morning, and Ashton is busy making lunch for us once he finally rounds the corner. I'm at the counter looking through some of my songs, a paper next to me with the list of my songs already decided next to it, my list of maybe's below. 

I flip the page, look at the next song, and close my eyes. This shouldn't be this difficult. Luke sits next to me, glancing at the list next to me. "How many songs do you need to add?" He asks, grabbing my notebook and flipping to the back, pulling out a blank scratch paper. Calum comes from the living room, walking over to us. "What are we doin'?" He asks. Michael looks up from the kitchen table, walking over as well.

"Helping Dylan pick out some of the songs for her album," Luke says, looking down at me. "If you want us to." He adds quickly. I nod, moving the list to the middle. "Obviously, the top is what's already known, those can't change. The bottom is the maybe's. I do like these songs, but a few of them are rough for one thing, and for another, I personally don't know if I'm fully ready to release them. I may be ready to record, but recording and releasing are two very different things. Two are really putting me on edge, Safe and Older Than I Am." I sing them the chorus's of both, Ashton nodding as he flips a quesadilla.

"Definitely a darker place, a lot of your current stuff isn't quite as dark, or if they have darker themes, they don't sound as dark." He says, looking over at me. I nod. "I'm thinking they may be better for a second album maybe." I offer. "I agree," Luke says with a nod. He points to the first song on the maybe list. 

"What's Pretty Girl about?" Luke asks. "Basically girls are more than just their image. We are deeper than that, I was diving into my feelings when the paps would accuse me of dating one of you just because I was seen out with you, rather than truly finding out who I was, I think this one was a pretty close yes, just for some more girl power in the album so not every song is about love." I say, glancing around at the guys. I keep my glance brief on Luke when I state that I have a lot of love songs, not sure if I'm ready to go over that with him quite yet.

"I vote it gets added," Michael says, holding his hand in the air. The rest of the boys nod in agreement and Luke writes it down on his sheet on the "add" side. The other side says "not yet" with Safe and Older Than I Am under it, my maybe list growing a little shorter.

"What's Wasted Youth? And why does it sound familiar?" Michael asks, looking at the next song on my list. "I wrote that one on tour, you saw it by accident." I laugh. I started it on the bus late one night after we had all gone out after the show and had a lot of fun, we didn't have a lot of issues with my mom at that time and every time I had fun with the guys, inspiration seemed to strike. "You guys were the inspiration behind this one, not wasting life, and having fun." "Awe," Calum says loudly, all of us laughing, "this definitely needs to be added then!" He concludes. The other three nod in unison, Ashton handing me a plate with my quesadilla on it. 

The next one is a letter to society. I wrote this while I was in the rehab facility. "Next one looks deep," Ashton says, looking at Dear Society. "I may have been a little angry while in the rehab facility." I shrug with a laugh. I take a bite of the quesadilla, my eyes closing. This was heaven in my mouth.

"Add it, attack society." He is firm with his decision, I had no objections though. "Last one, Side Effects. What's that about?" Calum asks. I pause, not sure if I'm ready yet. This one was vulnerable about Luke after I left the tour. This one sucked to write, it hurt, and there were many tear stains on the paper. "Keep it maybe for now." I let out a sigh, eating another bite of the quesadilla.