Fixing Us || l.h

Chapter Forty-Three*

I stared at the stark white ceiling, not talking to anyone in the room. "Dylan, Luke's almost here." Damian informs me. I closed my eyes, covering my eyes with my arm. I heard the door open and I knew Luke had come in. "Is she awake?" His accent was thick, like he was angry or upset. Probably the latter. "Yeah, not really speaking much." Brad tells Luke.

His footsteps come closer and I feel his hand grip my wrist, lifting my arm to look at me. He gave me a small smile which I didn't return. Aaron pulled him a chair over, letting him sit next to me and I saw them leave. "Dylan, you didn't know you'd get a panic attack, no one would have." "They keep landing me in the hospital though, they didn't use to, now every one I get I land in the fucking hospital." "That's perfectly okay though." "It means I'm weak."

"No. Dylan, it does not mean you're weak. Not one bit." Luke kissed the back of my hand held in his, staring at me. I turn on my side, facing him. "Why did I have to get stuck like this?" I finally ask. "Because it makes you, you. Yeah, you're not going to be perfect, no one is, but to me you are, and I don't care how cheesy that sounded, but yeah, you're gonna have flaws but that's what makes you, you. Your flaws define that you're not a Barbie or conformed to society."

"But I look like a Barbie and a lot of people would say I conform to society." I mumble, looking at his shirt. "That's their opinion, but mine is that it's okay to have flaws, okay?" "Shut up Augustus." I smile a little, and I noticed he smiled a little. "Say it." He laughs. "No. That's conforming to society." I stuck my tongue out at him. "See? You don't." "You did that to prove a point, I hardly think that counts." "It does." "You're so weird." I roll my eyes at him.

"When do you get out?" He asks, resting his elbow on his knee and his chin in his palm. "The doctor hasn't even come in yet, I don't know." I sigh, facing the ceiling again. "It shouldn't be too long, right?" "Who knows? They may want to do tests on me or something." "They won't want to do tests on you, you only fainted because you had a panic attack." "Still." I shrug. The door opens and a doctor steps in.

"How are we today?" He asks. "Fine." I answer. "Good." Luke answers. "So, you fainted because of a panic attack?" He asks and I nod. "What caused the panic attack?" "Paps surrounded me and then I got angry which caused a lot of the attack." I answer, slowly sitting up. "How are you feeling now?" "Okay I guess." "Just rest the next few days and you'll be good to go then. You're free to go." "Thank you." Luke calls as I get out of the bed. A nurse comes in, cleaning up everything as Luke and I walk out.

My band stood waiting, smiling when I came out. "Heading back to tour?" I nod. We get in the cars to the airport, heading to France.

-

"I'm sorry for making you come out to LA." I tell Luke as we get off the plane in Paris. "Don't be. It was my choice, don't blame yourself." "I still feel bad. You guys were supposed to open tonight first while we arrived and now One Direction didn't even have an opening act because of me." "Dylan, it's honestly not the end of the world if they didn't have an opening act." I shrugged.

We arrive to the hotel, everyone giving me a tight hug. "I'm fine guys." I mumble. "We can still give you a hug Dylan, we haven't seen you in a week." Ashton says. "Sorry. I'm just going to go to bed." I head to my room, running my fingers through my hair. I didn't fall asleep though, not even when Luke came in and cuddled with me, so finally at 3 in the morning I started watching Netflix.

-

"Hey Dyl, we gotta go to the airport." Luke gently shakes me awake. "Give me a minute." I mumble, glancing at the time. 8 in the morning. Whoopee. I got ready then followed everyone out to the cars, sitting between Luke and Ashton. "What time did you go to sleep?" "I watched 2 shows so around 4:30-5 timeframe." "Are you performing tonight?" I nod.

We were flying to Germany, and I was tired of planes. I've been on one for too long.

Luke gave me a small smile as we stood backstage, I was about to go on. I was feeling really jittery, making me even more nervous. "Hey, calm down. You're okay." Luke says quietly, pulling me in for a hug. He rests his lips on my forehead, his arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders.

"I should have taken my emergency medicine. What if I have another panic attack?" I mumble, pulling away to breathe. "It's a little too late to go get them, otherwise I would. Just focus on singing." He nods, watching me. I began bouncing my leg, leaning against the wall. My head began feeling fuzzy and I let out a string of curses, sinking to the floor. I felt nauseous, sweaty and the room was tilting.

I'd given myself another panic attack.

Luke's POV

"HARRY!" I called, seeing he was the closest. He comes running over, seeing Dylan shaking on the floor. "Call her brother." I mutter, trying to get her to calm down. I've never been with her when she has a full on panic attack, not alone. Every time she's had one it's been small, she normally just blocks everything out. This one was a lot stronger.

"Dylan, look at me, please." I encourage her but she looked terrified. "Hey, Dylan needs to, oh my god." Ashton says, looking at her. He runs around, talking to different people, then comes back over. Harry does too and he turns to Harry. "Can you handle her? We need to go on." Ashton says quietly and I stare up at him. "Ashton! I'm not leaving Dylan here!" I could hear her gasping for air, curling tighter into a ball.

She was sweating and her eyes were wide with fear. "Go, Luke, Blake told me what to do, go." Harry nods. I give her one last look, standing up and getting my guitar and heading out to stage.

Harry's POV

"Okay, Dylan, I need you to come out of your comfort ball." She shook her head. "I'm trying to help, c'mon." I encourage, seeing her eyes blink twice before she slowly let go of her legs but that's all she did. "You're almost there, can you straighten your legs?" I ask, hearing Luke begin the next song.

She's been having a panic attack for 6 minutes. She shakes her head again, wrapping her arms around her legs again, still shaking like she was out in the snow in a bikini. I bit my lip, trying to figure out what to do.

Suddenly the power went out and Dylan let out a scream. "Shit." I mumble, fumbling with my phone to turn the flashlight on. I directed it at the ceiling, setting it on the floor. Dylan was curled up in a ball, crying and rocking back and forth, shaking more violently. Luke came running over, turning on his phone light.

"Dylan, hey, calm down. Please. Shh." He tries. "She's going to pass out soon I think." I mutter, picking up my phone and calling 9-1-1. They arrive 10 minutes later, Dylan still won't move and won't stop crying or shaking, her face pale from lack of air.

They walk over to her, I see her shrink away from them in the iPhone flashlight. "We're going to help you." One of the medics say. She shakes her head, beginning to cry again. She was hyperventilating, her face getting paler. "We're going to wait for her to pass out, she's not going to let anyone near." One of the men say. I look over at Luke who looked nervous. "Call her brother." He tells me. I nod, hearing Dylan begin to quiet down, determining she was about to pass out. It went silent and I stepped away, calling Blake.

"How is she?" "Going to the hospital." "Damn it. Okay, um, how bad was it?" "Well, I had gotten her to calm down slightly but then the power went out." "Fuck, she had her first panic attack in the dark, it took years for her to be okay in the dark again, she'll probably be really nervous the next few days, I'm heading out there. Where are you guys?" "Berlin, Germany." "Got it. I'll see you in a few hours, I'm only in France." "Alright. I'll text you the hospital." "Thanks Harry." We both hang up and I see Luke had gone with Dylan.

I text him asking what hospital, finding out it was the Charité-Universitätsmedizin hospital. I text Blake the address, and he told me he was already boarding the plane.