Seeking SOMNUS

9.

“
What I get from my reflection
Is a different perception
From what the world may see
They try to crucify me
I ain't perfect, won't deny
My reputation's on the line
So I'm working on a better me
”

•••

"Shhhhh." She whispered.

"You want me to shut. What's the point in it, that I'm telling you this and you're-"

"Shhhhhh." She said again." Just shush for a minute. Not only by mouth. But by cynosure of your body, that is your mind. There are noises and voices screaming inside the head, when you're narrating something which is closest to your heart or which can also be something that sets your whole sense- system on fire. Then you gotta need to take a moment for yourself and say, 'shhhh' to those noises in the head, demons whose were on the edge to dominate your whole being. Tell them, 'shush', be calm for a while. Little time period of sane mind is as soothing as the cold breeze of dawn, try to feel the serene out of the crazy mixed up mess. Nothing's hurting in that." She elaborated and then went silent.

"Okay I'll try", I had to calm down. It was not a huge matter for my brother and mother but then why it was killing me this way? Again flood of thoughts came into my conscious. Random memories, moment settled long ago in my another part of brain now entering into the picture. I was ruthless and behaving like five year old who's crying for his lost dad. For the man who never ever played a single role in being my father. All he had to do was to be my dad, but he was everything else but that. Still somewhere, something in my mind, crying for how he died. Or perhaps he didn't deserve that sort of death. Hush my brain, shut yourself for a second, I was restless because of the person he always have been or I had a little boy inside my head mourning over how he died and he was like gone... gone forever. Because in the end, he was my father and now he was no more.

I felt my body was turning numb, but calmed. She told me to be shush and quiet and it was soothing my nerves.

"Just! Hold in! We will go home. Home the place where no one judges you, everyone only support you, give you rest, love, care and everything you deserve." She mummered to herself. She was lost. Her eyes were close, she had frown on her head. It was not a good sign. I was okay by then. Came back to reality already. But she, was living might be an old memory. "How can I now find it?" Further she said.

"So umm... How are you feeling?" She once again caught me staring at her. But this time I didn't stop looking at her stance. She was real. She was in person present with me in the moment. And she was drop dead gorgeous. I never noticed. How come I have never?

She was pained, might be broken, but wholly beautiful.
Gray orbs, black wavy hairs, pale but raw skin. When I first saw her, I didn't notice anything. Nothing at all. I have always been messing around with girls out there but I never saw her. I was what, a blind man? Yeah sure I was. She indeed had issues on herself, but she was fantastic when it comes to giving an advice.

"Hey stop observing me! I asked you something" she shot her words like she always do, and she chuckled. That frown was gone. Good thing.

"Wow.. ha.. umm.. what you asked?! Yeah I'm feeling wow.. good. I'm feeling fine. What did you see? Where did you go?" I first caught balance on my words then continued.

"What? What are you talking about?" She seemed to not knowing what I was asking.

"You whispered something about 'home' and just said a little line! What is that in your head bothering you? You said I'm helping too, so you know you can tell me. And let me. Help." I explained and I really do wanted to know what she was dealing with, or if I could like in literal help her.