Seeking SOMNUS

54.

THEO

The city was chilled. The lamp posts were dim and the fog had made it's presence visible and vital. I was driving to her home. The streetlights were shining through the foggy car's screen. The closer I was getting to her place the faster my heart's pacing.

The final destination, the safe place, my another home. She became closest to me, more than I have ever imagined. The parabola of thoughts and fighting between the contradictory ones were now constant to my mind. The uphill battle I go through, for making things right and keep everyone I care about happy and safe was something way harder for me. It could destroy me but it should no longer be the paranoia of bringing the destruction on anyone I loved and anyone who were on the list of my priorities.

I could not get my strength together to make a call or text her I was just outside her home. I reached my destination and in the edgy cold winter my hands were sweaty, the adrenaline was hitting my softest nerves. I quietly sit for few minutes just inside the car. I rest my head back at car seat and shut my eyes.

Jackson's revelation of my dad still sometimes knocked the wind out of me. Then his comment about my one-liners for her ran goosebumps all over my body. I felt my cheeks getting warmer. And hands sweatier.

I sighed. And unlocked my phone. I went on the section where I have written those little thoughts of mine.
I began to read them one by one and their meaning hit me exceptionally.

She is the kind of ecstatic prime rays of sun at dusk,
I cherish it's warmth afar afar from dust.
The moment it shines through the horizon overall,
I take cover as the pleasures I hide, so hide my deranged sins by law.

She made me a different person. Showed me the world through her perspectives. I felt surreal in my own mind. Yet my darkness could haunt her too as it does me.

The realisation struck my head.

The eyes pierce through my heart,
The act of love fails to facilitate it at all
The treasury in my head, I discovered in dark.
Darkness was the oldest ally to her noble soul.
The soul I fall for, I won't accept it to myself.
'It's better the other way', everytime I blink and mine blink for help.

The purest of all, I could not colour her dirty at all. I wanted to keep her protected from the devils out there and probably from the one was about to become.

All my mind could just think about her. It was all about her.

Exquisitely she speaks her beliefs,
Her mind is metaphorically sculptured
The world at her feet adores her shrewdness,
But the trauma they could never see behind her hallow madness.

The lunacy of the nasty human race, she hold her supremacy above many. Her mind speak through layers, the layers to decipher by her listener and she mesmerized them by her charm of chastity.

I was not going to do right by her, it would be the sickest mistake of all. What choice did I have otherwise either?

Is it really what I want?
Or that's only my heart craves,
The sanity seemed like gone forever
Stays beneath her warm embrace
Is it sublime?
Or is it gonna stay forever?
As pure as this could ever be,
The diamond comes second after her aura.

Helplessly I sit inside my dark and cold car. Weather was great. And the feeling inside me was unfamiliar strange but heartfelt. I yet had to do this. This was the last option.

After having the shallow conversation with my mind, I texted her and got out of the car. She replied in few minutes and I waited for her at the porch. She opened the door and smiled brightly, I feebly walked in. She has the grace in her beauty that was beyond any explanation and comparation.