Seeking SOMNUS

10.

"
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
'cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you
"

••••

I was happy in different way that day. I was amazed and wondered all the time I'm around her. So as I decided earlier in day I was gonna leave. So I did.

As I reached home, I saw my mum was about to leave for her trip and my little brother was already there, because he had half day classes on Fridays.

"Theo, you're home yeah", Fin announced it to the walls.

"Honey! Are you okay? Did you take the leave from today? You-" my mum was still worrying the crap out of me. And she was about to go overseas now, I couldn't let her go in pang of worries from home.

"I took leave because, I was really, really sleepy after lunch. And I thought fine, if I'm feeling asleep so I could take half day-off and could have some rest. Before it become huge matter of tension, I thought this would be fine." I was horrible in making up things. But might be I was enough convincing.

"Oh.. great Theo, you actually deserve some rest. Take care of yourself." She believed in that, I felt relief. She further hugged me tight. Then Fin. "Take care of yourself and your big brother, Finny." She messed his hairs and he giggled.

"Not funny" I tried to sound offended though I wasn't. We all laughed.

For a second I forgot everything, every pain, disturbed emotions, stress, just everything and felt only love, by the people I was surrounded with.

"So boys! Have fun" she said and left with her secretary who was waiting at our doorstep.
We bid goodbyes, happy journey, travel safe and loves. After her car was out of our sights, me and Fin came back indoor.

"You know that was why I came up with excuses." Fin huffed. And jumped on couch.

"What are you saying? Do you ever hear yourself." I exclaimed, creasing my eyebrows. And lazily sat next to him.

"Me! Huh! Did you hear yourself? You were lying I could say that easily. If we had a dog it could say that. You're such a terrible liar Theo." He had bored expression on his face. He was not at all impressed with the situation.

After a long pause, he decided to speak again. "You used 'I thought fine' twice. And 'Sleepy' you were sleepy! Are you sleepy, like from where- your thinking system has slept weeks ago, so you're sleepy -of what? You are not going to sleep, are you?" I was trying to process everything he was saying. And if anyone would, come to me and gave the same excuse, yeah probably I wouldn't even believe on that either. I was feeling like a fool then.

"Now, she was gonna be worried about me. I'm such a shitty son." I hit my head back at couch. I closed my eyes, just didn't want to think or feel anything anymore.

"Yes, you are. Because you didn't tell her, or us, what you are going through. You're hiding stuffs. That's bad, not your somnia." He said.

"Oh gosh Fin" I was rushing inside my head. Now I was a little stressed.

I was quiet and all surrounding was silent. I was drowning in pool of the sad musings of various kinds, inside my head. I tried to shunt those thoughts aside, but failed. Second by second, the thoughts and feelings turning into hurricane, that's only gonna rage high and high. There was no stopping, no shutting down, no turning back. Just terrific disasters of memories, feelings, fears, fury, and all mixed up emotions at once.

Then all of sudden I felt a fabric slightly covering my body, and I harshly opened my eyes. I saw little Fin, was trying to lay a blanket over my shut and dead posture of body. He really thought I was asleep, and I disappointed him.