Seeking SOMNUS

49.

THEO

"He was scared for you. I kept it safe to give you when you'd be ready to know everything. So I guess it's today." She smiled. And I went mute. I had no words to explain what I was feeling.

"It hurts ma." All I managed to say and she put me in her embrace. She could see through me. See through my pain.

"I know, it's okay. He loved you so much. He must be proud on you. It'll be alright son" she said.

"Keep it, it's yours now. Whenever you feel like you're ready. You read it. His message to you." She patted softly on my shoulder.

"I wish I could've done something for him." My heart felt so heavy in my chest. My breathing became hard.

"I tell myself the same everyday." She replied.

"But sometimes you try everything passionately and wholly yet you lose it in the end, doesn't mean you failed but you have done everything you could yet it wasn't just meant for you. You have to let it go." She added.

"So did you let it go." I whispered.

"I couldn't."

"I never stopped loving him. There were days, I melt down in vain, scream inside, blaming him asking him why did he do that to me? Then I remind myself of his smile, his beautiful smile. The person I fell in love with, the personality who loved me. It made me realize he never did anything wrong to me. He was not in his own control. I miss him. But I love him too. So I accept his departure in peace." She said, with raspy voice. Her eyes were pouring her emotions out. She loved him. She misses him. And she did everything she can. She never got her peace still. She was fighter in her own.

"I love you ma." I expressed my heart.

"Love you more son." She chuckled. "And promise me, you won't go behind those people. You'll drop the this topic from now on and only focus on yourself, on your health, on your mind and on your future. Leave this hunt and investigation on me. You get that"

I hesitated at first but had to agree with her lastly. "Alright ma."

"Go have rest. It's been a long day, and pretty much long night. And decide about the therapy too Theo." She said, and I took a glimpse of wall clock. It was already half past one. I didn't realize it took long hours.

She went to bed and I walked upstairs in my room. I stare at the letter in my hands, with my name etched on it roughly. My hands were shaking and my heart was heavily beating. I couldn't get myself together to unfold it. I was too weak to read it that moment.

I opened my journal. And keep that safely inside it. Put it in rest for how long I didn't even know that time. That night was indeed long. The meds weren't evening hitting the brain to sleep. The layer of mesmerising snow shed all over the city. And the view of the city under the moonlight send warmth to my nerves. Calmed them down slowly. Nature indeed helped me in my anxiety a little. Unfortunately it couldn't solve the troubles in real.

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THIRD PERSON'S NARRATION

The weeks have passed by. Theo didn't discuss about the letter to anyone neither did he opened his journal after that night of conversation. The winter was at it's best. School has not been so kind to Theo. They mocked at him for the video every now and then. And he hasn't got his place back as captain on the team either.

Though in all these fuss, Clara stood by his side. There were a few girls she ever talk in class but no one was her friend exactly. But Theo became her partner in canteen. Sometimes Erick join them too. They now sit together in history class.