Seeking SOMNUS

39.

THEO.

I was back home now. The sun outside was setting down in far horizon peacefully, I just finished making dinner. Fin was in living room watching TV. A normal day I could ask for.

Erick moved out already because his parents were back in town though I told Erick everything that happened today. He planned further to go into my phone to check if it got any virus or unknown chip to record future date send right back at them. And also tried to look into the program to find out how much they've accessed through my phone. The life was turning into walking risk we couldn't afford carelessness anymore. I switched my phone off after that. When I got my phone back my call log astounded me by all people who called effortlessly. They do give a damn and I was one ignorant piece of shit.

Our landline rang, bring me out of my trail of thoughts. I entered the living room however Fin already picked up.

"Yes ma I'm good, school was fine. I finished my homework though." It was mom, Fin had this serious look on his face proved my death was near.

"Yep mom, he's here, talk to him." he passed me the phone and moved his thumb across his neck gesturing the slitting throat cause of death. He was warning me and my heart was now beating fast enough to explode. I had no idea what excuses should I give her because truth was definitely off the table.

"Hey Ma, how are you?" My voice croaked in the end. The nerves in my body were started to feel now.

"So, you are alive Theo." Her tone was as cold as ice. If she was standing in front of me I would be dead and long gone.

"Ah-"

"I am out of town for like four days and you've bring the calamity upon yourself. You're marvelous. You had only one job to do, try to sleep. If it wasn't happening we decided to go to the doctor. Is this why you have taken those leaves from your school? I am trying my best– working like a pig out here to provide to guys everything you deserve. Why you are so desperate to destroy yourself? First you hide your problem from me then when I'm out here, you stopped picking up my call and huh! god bloody knows why you instantly needed the fifteen thousand fucking euros in one day. What are you up to boy? I'm really worried. Theo it hurt me to say this but I have never expected this from you. This kind of reckless behaviour." She was breathing heavily, it was not only anguish that was speaking through her voice, I felt terribly bad from the inside cause I could feel disappointment, hurt, worry and pain laced in her voice. I did hurt her feelings horribly. I had no words to describe what I feel that moment. I went total silence, the truth I could certainly not tell her and lying was already enough that I couldn't do it anymore.

"Ma, ma.. I.. I am sorry." All I could do in the end was to apologize. And I did. But I can't expect her to forgive me just like that.

"Theo, honey.. why sorry? I always want the best for you. I always desired nothing but all the happiness you can get. I never wanted this situation to arrive when you need to hide stuffs from me. It's alright, I'm not asking you to give any explanation about the money right now. But you will have to tell me the truth when I'll be back. Just tell me this at least why didn't you pick the call? Where were you? What were you doing son?" She was restless and distressed. Palpably didn't want to let this topic go.

"I lost my phone. But don't worry I got it back now." I said the truth, technically.

"I'm afraid dear I'm having hard time believing on it. And you know I'm not stupid." She was right, nobody could just believe on that. But I was not going to tell her the truth and spoil her business trip.

We stayed quiet, breathing heavily- both of us, Fin was staring at me like he has seen a ghost. He was worried and curious simultaneously.

"Honey, I love you. You can tell me anything you know that right? It's okay don't tell me what happened, on call but when I'll be back you can't stay shut. I need to know everything. The whole truth and you're gonna tell me. No cooked up lies, no avoiding the matter." She finally broke the silence and sort of gave me an ultimatum.