Seeking SOMNUS

33.

Hours ago around late eight in the night.

CLARA.

It was already enough late. I was pacing back and forth and trying to remove all those irrational thoughts I was having. My eyes were baggy and I was loosing strength. I tried all day to get some sleep that would help me out a little but I couldn't find the comfort I needed. The comfort I kinda felt when Theo was near me.

I waited enough and now I gave up on the hope that he will come and visit me. My heart sank in my chest whereas simultaneously my nerves were giving me another signals. I was undoubtedly furious at him, it was outrageous of him but at the same point I was wishing for him to be okay, out of trouble. I trusted Theo enough that I know he could never hurt me purposely. Yet his absence was hurting me in the ways that were even unknown to me.

Round about nine in the night, I lay down on my bed, pushing thoughts about Theo then my phone chimed.

I saw the caller's ID and found out earlier in the day when I was out in cafe meeting Theo's brother Fin, we exchanged our numbers concerning Theo's health and condition, it was Fin who was calling that late night.

My thoughts ran every possible consequence regardless of optimistic or pessimistic, and my heart was now throbbing bad in my ribcage. And I picked up the call, stammering under my breath.

"Hello,Is.. is it Clara?" Fin stuttered in horror. His soft voice was laced with fear and anxiety.

"Yea, Finny it's me, what happened?" I asked tried to keep fear away from my voice.

"Uh.. nothing... It's nothing.. you sleep, I'm sorry I disturbed you." He tried to avoid why he called and that only raised more suspicion and terror in my mind.

"Fin.. boy.. it's okay... It's okay.. say it Finny, what happen?" I asked him softly.

"Can.. can you come here please?" Fin said in hoarsely."I'm scared... It's scary.. I'm alone please..." And he started to cry it made my guts twisted in my abdomen. Where the fuck are you Theodore? I thought furiously. How could you leave your brother alone? I was now fuming with rage. What could possibly be more important than your brother? I asked myself.

"Shhh shh.. it's okay- it's okay. You hang in there Finny. You're brave little boy, you know that right! I'm on my way. I'm coming... Just wait for a little while, can you do that for me Finny?" I tried to comfort him and instantly got up to leave my house.

Fin hummed and sniffled then hung up the call.

I quickly took my car out, and drive it off to Theo's home, unlike him I left a note for my grandma. I was now only angry at his actions. How could he be so reckless.

He need to have some good strong reason.

After driving for minutes, I had no clue how long did it take for me to reach there, all I was thinking about that duration of driving was Fin.

When I reached at Theo's place. His hall was light up but every other place seemed off and dark. I parked my car at the sideway and walked straight to the porch.

I knocked at door, rang the doorbell. And I screamed my name loud enough that anyone from the inside could hear me.

I was waiting for a while and when I was about to dial Fin's number, he opened the door.

"Oh no no no! Fin I'm here, see I came. Finny boy don't cry now, you're safe. Everything will be fine." My heart skipped a beat seeing Fin in the condition like that, he was looking like a mess, like he was crying for hours and shake to his core.

"What happened? I'm here. Where's Theo?" I softly wiped his tears and walked into the living room.

"He's not here." Fin hiccuped and said.

"What?" I was little shocked, if he didn't come to see me, and he wasn't home either, where else could he go?
Partying out there– nah! He wouldn't leave Fin in this condition no matter what happen.

"Where's he?" I asked but I kinda knew he didn't inform Fin of his whereabouts. Otherwise he wasn't this shaky.

"I don't know Clara. I'm scared, he didn't tell me where he was going, where is he. I'm trying to keep calling him since the noon when he left the house abruptly without saying anything. He didn't pick and after sometime it was unreachable. I'm scared." Fin told me everything. I was trying to process now what was actually going on down here!

"Don't worry, he'll be fine he'll come back. He'll be okay Fin. I know he will be." I tried to calm him down where my body started panicking, I hide it from him but.

"I'm scared of being alone I told him the other day he still left me alone here!" Fin cried and I slightly embraced him to comfort him.

"It could've been something important otherwise he could never do anything like this. Fin I'm here you're no more alone. He'll be back too. It must've been some emergency." I pondered and caresses his hairs.

"So he could've informed me." He sniffled, I hugged him tightly, to rest his unsettling nerves and emotions. He was hurt emotionally, and it was too much for a ten years old. 'Theo where are you?', A thought rushed in my mind

He wasn't shaking anymore and calmed now.

"Fin, you ate anything yet?" I asked after a long pause.

"No, nothing since morning." he mumbled.

"Oh Finny! I make something for you." I said and lie him down on the couch then moved into the kitchen.

I was making spaghetti then Fin came in. He looked sad and worried, I could totally understand him. I was kinda feeling the same. It hurt, the silence in the house as if any moment a huge wreaking ball would come swinging by and crash everything into fragments.

"Hey! I'm making spaghetti. You like it?" I asked him tried to sound a bit cheerful. He simply nodded.

The dinner was ready, I served it in two plates and made myself a cup of coffee, just in case if this night was gonna be a long one.

We placed our dinner on the small heighten table that stood near the couch in living room and we took our seats on the floor across the table.

Fin was no more scared but he was still upset and going through enough right now. After finishing our dinner in silence I collected the plates and put them in sink.

It was about to midnight now and Theo still hasn't home yet. Fin was falling asleep on my lap and I covered his body gently with duvet. He was fast asleep.

I lay back on couch and place my head on top of the backrest. It was excruciatingly quiet and I couldn't find it peaceful enough to sleep. But who was I to say anything about sleep when I haven't experience it for long enough time. Every time I close my eyes, hoping for the world to stay quiet just like the current atmosphere, and world always listen to me but mind never did. The fire, the forest, the cold ground, the splattering rain and my mum's beautiful smiling face fading into nothingness– everything just started replaying in front of my closed eyes vividly. It was almost like I travel back in time to the same incident over and over again. It's a cage haunt me from my memories whenever I close my eyes.

That incident has happened and gone about a month and half ago but in my mind it happens every single day, every single time I shut my eyes. Since that day, the peace was vanished and left the drops the endless agonising silence behind it.

I was frightened to close my eyes, so just decided to continuously staring at the ceiling.

In the dark silence, I heard someone's unlocking the main door. I slowly grabbed the statue from the side table, got up from the couch gently placing the cushion beneath Fin's head, and moved quietly towards the door.

Then door swing opened, and it was him. All devastated, it dropped the heavy rock in my stomach, it was like the air left my lungs.

"Jesus, Theo!" I gasped, and the statue I held slipped from my hands and dropped on the carpet. He looked terrifying and I left speechless and horrified by his condition.

"Clara." He breathed, my presence left him at aghast.

________________________________