Seeking SOMNUS

55.

THEO

I loved her, I loved her with my whole heart.

So I needed to leave her.

The cold piercing rock fell in my stomach. My limbs were shunt and froze. I didn't know how, but I had to do that.

It wouldn't be right by her, but it was quintessential to keep her safe. Keep her protected. This would be harsher on me.

"I uh.. I'm so sorry, I didn't ask for cons-" she didn't let me finish and smashed her lips on mine, it was wild and the most wondrous sensation my entire body felt in this long.

"Here, I didn't ask for consent either." She smiled with exquisite charm. I smiled back.

"You don't have to be sorry all the time you're around me. Silly you." She said acting a face palm playfully and giggled.

"Uh... Sorr-" I didn't complete the word and chuckled through it.

"You're unbelievably cute Theo." She uttered as she lie down on the floor stacked with cushions and pillows. The moonlight lightened up her face. She seemed like the definition of absolute divinity. I could not stop myself adorning her. I just wanted to be by her side, for as long as I breathe.
Yet it was just a wishful thinking.

"You're lovely." I whispered with meaning it to deeper level. And I lie beside her.

"Yet, I'll be unloved again." She mumbled to herself but I heard it. The pain could be vivid in her eyes and I could hear it purely from her voice. She was smarter than I thought. It surprised me and broke my heart along with it.

"You know what that needle referred Theo?" She had a soar voice. I could feel her she was awfully containing her emotions inside. That skipped my heart a beat. Then crushed it entirely.

"I know." I hushed.

"Oh." She sighed.

"Clara, I want to tell you something." I finally said.

"Hmm.." she hummed but said nothing.

"I uh... I think... I am.. in.. love.." I stammered horribly, why was it so hard.

"You're such a goofball Theo. I love you too." She whispered loud enough turning towards me. And the nerves in my mind stopped working, my heart was full and the body went into the state of massive ecstasy.

"I love you Clara." I huffed looking into her eyes with full relief to my heart. The realisation struck me like lightning. And she closed her eyes, somewhere she might knew that too. And then we lied on our backs, staring at the ceiling and breathing deeply in silence.

"I am losing you Theo." All she whispered extremely softly just to herself. But I guessed it. And I knew she understood what I was about to do next.

"Clara, you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. You're aesthetic and you're brilliant in your own ways." I shut my eyes and keep going on.

She hummed softly a few times.

"You're strong, you're a warrior. I admire all these outstanding qualities of yours. But your pain is no lie. You've been through a lot. More than enough for your age. For even humanly possible. You are not alone. I want you too, go to a therapist and share your thoughts and get help. Perhaps, I won't be there along side with you. For which I loath myself forever for not being there for you. You'd be safer and probably happier without me. I want to spend eternities with you, but it could be not possible for us. My fate is darker than my soul. I don't want it to hurt you in any way. You're more important than my wishes." I couldn't stop myself and the wild rush of remorse was taking over me silently.