langst one shots

Mama

Dear Mama,

Would I actually go to hell? Would God strike a little boy dead for being gay? Would he strike me dead for using this gun of mine? Oh how sorry I am, Mama,  I will not see you in Heaven.

Truly I write this letter to wish you well. However I may not come back Mama. Please do not cry. I will have died so many people can live. I must die for everyone else. Do not fear for I will still be in everyone's heart.

But Mama, would I go to hell? I lie, I  am gay, I curse, and I have killed to many people in this blasted war, more then I'd like to admit. You would cry your eyes out all night long knowing what I have done.

I love you Mama. I love you so much, I love you more than ever. You never know how much you really truly love someone until they are gone.

And you may be thinking, 'Woah such a profound letter from my Lance? That is not him.' Well it is now. Your Lance no longer inhabits this body, no one does.

It is an empty soul of nothing that can not be repaired. I have become so broken I can not even act like my old self.

The others are acting like their old selves too. I can see through all of their lies. Will they go to hell too Mama? I mean we are all liars here. We all have killed. We all have worn mixed fabrics.
 
They are getting ready for the next mission. Each mission getting harder and harder. They are practically building a coffin just my size.

I should have been a better son on Earth. Now that I can look back all I see is times you have sacrificed so much for me and I never gave anything in return. I want to go back and change, but what is done is what is done.

Please have a good dinner with everyone tonight for I fear I will not make it back. Raise your glasses higher than ever for tomorrow we all may die.

Sincerely,
The Red Paladin

I sighed and put down my pen. I folded the letter and put it with the rest. They sat in a bin under my bed.

Will I make it back tomorrow? I thought. I won't live to see tomorrow.

I grabbed my gun and stood there holding it to my chin.

--flash back to Sunday school--

"Is suicide a sin?" I asked my Pastor.

"Well I mean it depends, if the person is giving up for selfish reasons then it is. Like say if you hung yourself but while you were dying you said sorry to God for giving up on him and his sorry you are for giving up your life then you would go to Heaven. However if you shot yourself in the head you would have no time to think back making it impossible to say sorry to God so you will go to hell." He answered truthfully.

---end of flash back

I thought about it for a second, lowering the gun down a bit.

"Fuck it," the bullet went through my skull.