The Lonely God

47.

*Song above: Bad romance by Lady Gaga but you are crying in the club because you were rejected

-HER-

"What are they about?" His voice deepens as he asks and I feel a lump building in my throat as unwanted tears pool my eyes.

"You," Silence follows my answer. I could feel him holding his breath above me as my heart starts to race in my chest. I feel a pang of guilt. What did I just say? Was I supposed to say that?

I hold my breath as I tilt my head to look at him. His silver eyes are glowing in the dark as he looks down at me with an emotion which I have never experienced before. I don't know if there's exists any word that could describe the look on his face or I am even strong and capable enough to feel what he is feeling right now.

The blue streaks in his silver eyes look so vibrant. They look at the verge of overpowering all the silver in his eyes. They look at the verge of washing over all the emotions in his eyes. I let out a small gasp when his hands come up to rest on my cheeks, holding me in place as he leans down and rests his forehead against mine. I feel the sparks come to life instantly; dancing over my skin, giving birth to those warm fuzzy feelings that only come with him.

My eyes instantly flutter shut as I feel tranquility wash over me while my thoughts drain out of my head. Where are they going? Before I could come up with any possible explanation in my head, he is pulling back, his hands disappearing, taking away the sparks with him. I snap my eyes open as I feel disappointment.

His Silver eyes are glowing in the darkness, regarding me before he moves to the other side of the bed. There was this hardness in his eyes, it was enough to shatter my glass heart. I am starting to question the waves of emotions that wash over the shore of my thoughts, taking away the reality with them as they return back to the ocean. What's happening? I seem to be losing my mind all of a sudden.

"Goodnight," Is all he mutters before laying on his side and turning his back to me. I sit up and look at him. He seems distant all of a sudden. The warmth that he brings with his presence to me seems to have seized to exist. There's this intangible wall between us all of a sudden that I don't know how to climb.

I shouldn't have said that.

"Arles?" I sound so vulnerable calling for him. He doesn't answer me. The guilt I've been feeling before intensifies. What did I do?

Suddenly, the realization comes crashing down on me. Currently, I am staring at the man I've hated the most and right now, I feel guilty because I just said something that might have hurt him. But why? I shouldn't be feeling it, right? He hurt me more, right? Then I shouldn't be feeling guilty hurting him back, right? But for some reason, I find myself growing a soft place for him.

I am afraid that I am starting to... like him. I am starting to sprout feelings for him on the same land where the molten lava of hate and loathing flowed. Is it... normal? How did I reach here? When did I reach here? Is there a way out? Or am I trapped here forever?

I let out a ragged breath at the train of my thoughts. It sends a shiver down my spine. What's happening of me? This feels so wrong but somehow right. Wasn't it something I wanted? A mate? I wanted to be wanted. I craved for affection when I dwelled in the mortal realm, didn't I?

Oh, how jealous I used to feel of the people around me who had someone who wanted them. How lonely I used to feel. It's now I realize that since I came here, I didn't feel that once. The loneliness. It seemed to have been left behind in that mortal real ever since he bought me here. He was with me, in some way or the other. Either keeping an eye on me or keeping me company. I wonder what will happen if I go away right now? Will I find the same loneliness again?