Allison (rewritten)

Falling down

The world is a disaster, I'm supposedly the savior, and on top of everything that's on my shoulders, I keep losing people I love.

I stood above Denise's grave going over everything in my head. Tara will be crushed when she comes back, and possibly blame me for her dying. I'm a screw up, a major one. Might as well say she's the third person I've let down.

"It's not your fault." Rick said placing a hand on my shoulder. "Don't think it is."

"I let her down. How could I have been so stupid?" I let out a shaky breath jerking free from Rick.

"She knew the risk of going out there, Allison. It's not your fault." He tried again more sternly.

"But I let her go!" I shouted. "I should've said no, I should've-"

Rick wrapped me into a hug "it's ok." He cooed softly. "It's ok."

Is it though? Everything that should go right, only seems to be going wrong. Denise didn't deserve to die like that, no one deserves to die.

******

After a few days of contemplating my mistake, I gave up on my feelings. Though, I'd never give up the rest of my family.

"You seem better." Enid said skipping down the road. "At least I hope so."

I nodded my head and give her the only smile I could muster, one that said I'm trying basically. "What's going on?"

"Going to see Maggie." She said half smiling "I'm helping her with some things."

"Well, have fun I guess." I waved her off.

Carol seemed to have disappeared so the guys are out looking for her, have been all day and night. I'm stuck here trying to keep this place safe. An hour ticked by with no news.

"Open up!" I heard Rick shout.

I opened the gate to let him through, he was alone. "Nothing?"

He shook his head "not yet, the others will keep looking." He rubbed his forehead "I'm sure she's fine."

"I hope so." I muttered. Carol was like a mom to me, she always knew how to make me feel better.

He started off towards the house, didn't get very far since Enid ran outside freaking out.

"Enid? What is it? What's wrong?" I asked gripping her shoulder.

"Maggie." She pointed towards Deanna's house. "Somethings wrong with Maggie."

Me and rick took off inside to find Maggie lying in the floor groaning in pain.

"We need to get her to hilltop. Go get the others." Rick said practically pushing me.

I ran down the street banging on doors and explaining the situation. Those who are going would meet Rick at the rv.

"We need you here, Allison." Rick said grabbing my arm. "Please, keep this place safe while I'm gone."

I nodded my head not really wanting to argue with the man. He knew deep inside he needed me with them, but we couldn't leave this place vulnerable.

I grabbed Maggie's hand kissing her head "I'll see you soon."

They loaded her up gently and drove out of the gate. I have a bad feeling about letting them go in their own, but I couldn't exactly argue.

*******

I paced back and forth all night in front of the gate waiting for Rick and the others to come back. I was worried about Maggie, worried about carol, and Daryl.

We still haven't managed to fix our relationship from me not telling him about the reversal serum my mom gave me.

"We promised to always tell each other the truth." He said before leaving to hunt down carol. I know he's mad, but it is my choice.

Finally after waiting all night the rv came pulling back in. Rick got off but didn't say a word to me or anyone.

Michonne looked at me frowning before she started crying. "Abraham's dead, So is Glenn."

My mouth dropped open "what about Maggie?"

"She's fine, Sasha took her to hilltop." She turned away from me before releasing a sigh "they have Daryl."

"Who?" I yelled without meaning to.

She took a minute to catch her breath "The saviors."

I didn't think about checking on anyone else I just looked her "keep an eye on Harley." Is all I said before jumping over the gate and running.

Zeb, being protective and sensing my emotions followed after me. I didn't want to shoo him away, but I didn't necessarily want him to follow me.

Honestly I didn't know where I was going, just away for a bit. I needed air, I needed a break. Everything turned even more shitty and there is nothing I can do about it.

******

I turned around and headed home after a while out in the open.

"You feeling better?" Rosita asked.

I shook my head "not at all. I should've been there."

"You know it wasn't an option. It's not your fault." She sounded sincere.

I wanted to scream at her, but her eyes were puffy and red. She loved Abraham but he made his choice to be with Sasha. And Glenn, poor Glenn. Poor Maggie. I needed to go be with her but I don't know the way unless she tells me.

"You should go see Rick. He wanted to talk to you." Rosita said turning away.

"Yea, Thanks." I muttered heading to the house.

Rick was sitting on the couch with Michonne talking until they noticed I'd walked in.

"Where'd you go?" Michonne asked concerned.

I shrugged "just out." I threw myself down in the chair twirling my hair around my finger. "Is someone gonna tell me what happened?"

Rick sat up straighter rubbing his face "they were waiting on us, every turn we made there was more an more of em." He let out a frustrated sigh. "They led us to an ambush. Next thing we knew this negan guy with a ball bat cane out, he'd caught Glenn and Daryl earlier looking for carol. He killed Abraham as payback for all his guys. Daryl tried to fight, negan killed Glenn. Now we work for him, he will be here in two weeks."

"Then I can kill em." I smirked. An eye for an eye. Take my family, you lose your life.