Loving Damon

| 1 | I Can't Be That Girl

| Ariel |

|Present Day|

Its been a little over one year since Lena's wedding and unfortunately for me I had to come right back to Colorado for school. I could only stay a few days back at home because at that time my summer break hadn't started yet and I hated missing classes — more like I was just trying to avoid Damon and anything that had to do with him.

After I effectively got away from him at the wedding, it took everything in me not to break down crying and run back into his arms for comfort. I should have been seeking comfort from Andrew not my teenage crush. I sighed and ran my fingers roughly through my pitch black hair. I groaned stepping out of my pastry class and on to a busy campus.

No matter what I did, thoughts of Damon still haunted my mind, I tried my best to focus on the man who was willingly in my life and giving himself to me, my conscience argued with me 'Was he really?'  but my heart never wanted to be bothered with said man.

When I first met Andrew four years ago he was the perfect man, he was everything I had hoped for and the best part was I thought he would finally be the one man who would help me get over my crush or my hopeless feelings for Damon. During the beginning of our relationship he was so caring, so sweet, and so charming that I hoped he would push away all my love for the older Hendrix brother and replace it with his own but I was very wrong.

I can't even remember when things started to change or what his first insult was that he spat carelessly at my face, but I do remember that by our second year together he began making hurtful remarks here and there about my weight, my body, and my appearance period. At this time I wasn't as small as I was in high school and don't get me wrong I wasn't exactly tiny, I was on the fuller side and had my fair share of curves but thanks to being on the volleyball team I was somewhat toned, it helped my figure a lot to say the least.

When I first met Andrew I didn't have what I had now, which was extra meat on my bones along with stretch marks, cellulite, bigger hips and my butt wasn't exactly the smallest — what did stay small after high school was my breasts, I held the same small B cup breasts now that I did in high school and Andrew didn't let me forget it. During this second year of our relationship he dropped hints on how alluring and sexy I would be if my breasts were fuller, he was hinting towards a boob job, I knew it but I never called him out on it.

Then came our third year which was just as bad as our second. I was a complete mess, I felt disgusted with myself every time I looked in the mirror and wished I had the will to change everything about myself — I just didn't. I felt drained of life and love, Andrew still put effort into our relationship but some days it seemed like he didn't care, like all he cared about was seeing if he could drop my self esteem down another notch or two. I already feel horrible about myself, how much more can he say to me to make me feel even more insecure? Not much.

Since high school I gained about 25 pounds and that was no thanks to my amazing boyfriend — note the sarcasm. It seemed like everyday he had something horrid to say about me, some days he shocked me and was the sweetest man ever but the next day he would turn right around and say the cruelest thing to my face, "You think you should be eating that baby? I saw you could barley shimmy into your jeans yesterday."

Talk about cutting me open with a knife and releasing all my insecurities.

The more he said things like that the more I felt like I needed to fix myself to keep him interested. I had to stay with him and I needed him to want me, if he didn't no other man would, especially not Damon. That was a ship that has long sailed. He began to hate my red hair so I changed it to jet black which he loved. He picked on everything I ate so I changed the way I ate in front of him but behind his back I became an emotional eater and ate away my feelings with ice cream and cookies. He harassed me about my weight so I started going to the gym more often than I already was, every single day to be exact. Then he asked me the unthinkable, he asked me to get a boob job. That was the one thing I never caved on, he begged for it but I drew the line there, I wasn't going under the knife just for him.