The Way We Were

The Way We Vacation PT2

Marcy sat up in the middle of the night and got out of bed after making sure her husband still slept. She went downstairs and to the great room.

She built a small fire in the great fireplace but still opened a window because it was raining. She sat in front of the fire and contemplated just climbing inside.

It'd been years since she was in danger but she was reacting as if she was still a scared seven year old fighting for her life. Why were these memories coming up?

She heard a noise and looked behind her. It took a while but O'Brien walked in. "Madam?"

"I'll close the window and put out the fire." She whispered.

"It's your home." He pointed out.

She said nothing.

He walked closer and sat in the closest chair. "The rain is soothing, wouldn't you say?"

She lifted a brow.

"It rages and storms, scaring you to bits but in the end, life blooms."

She looked out the window. She knew that. It was one reason why she liked the rain. It gave life.

"I wasn't always a butler."

"You weren't?" She didn't look at him.

"I was in the military."

She looked at him then. "Really?"

"I am a lot calmer than I was when I came home from war."

"You saw action?"

"Yes, madam. I saw it for many years after the war was over. Every time I closed my eyes."

A tear slipped past her defenses.

"One thing they don't tell you about war is beneath the glory is the gory. I didn't enlist; I was drafted. I had no choice."

She nodded.

"I saw my fellow soldiers, men I'd come to call my family, die horrifically. They were killed, maimed, hurt. And even if they survived physically, the mental toll was too high. Many turned to drinking or drugs."

"Did you?"

He nodded. "Yes, I did."

She nodded back.

"I hit the rock and the bottom. And then when I got clean, I still had the nightmares. It'd been years and I thought I should be over it.

But I wasn't. I hadn't actually gone through the work of healing. I only pushed it down and ignored it.

I almost used again but my dear wife let me know that she'd leave and take the kids. I had to do the work."

"But I wasn't in a war."

"Weren't you?"

Her eyes widened.

"I know the look in your eye. I wore it for many years. The look that says you're haunted by memories. The circles beneath your eyes that say you don't sleep well. The hunch to your shoulders that say you're on guard.

The snap to your word to defend yourself. The lashing out to protect yourself. The crying because you can't keep doing it."

She sniffled. "What do I do?"

"Get help."

"I have a therapist."

"Do you talk to him or her?"

She turned in shame. "Not about the past."

"Besides professional help, maybe you should talk to your husband? He's worried about you but more than that, he loves you. My Alice was stronger than I ever thought."

She watched as he got up and hobbled out. She looked back to the fire. Was Mal stronger than she thought?

W.W.W.

Mal woke up to staring. He was in shock because Marcy didn't really look at people so it was unnerving, especially with those big, wide, dark eyes.

"I made you breakfast." She said softly.

He looked at his bedside table and saw a tray with his favorite foods on it. He looked back at her and sat up. "Ba- Marcy, what's going on?"

"We have to talk."

W.W.W.

Marcy knew it. He was disgusted by her. She stared at the bathroom door as she heard him throwing up.

Suddenly he stopped and she could hear the water running. He came out.

She turned away.

He went to her and hugged her fiercely.

She didn't know what this meant. Was he giving her one last hug?

He drew away a bit and searched her resigned Rosemary eyes. "Dove, why didn't you tell me you went through all that?"

Her shoulders sagged. "I don't want you to hate me."

"Hate you?" He was blown away. "I hate those bastards that hurt you! I will never hate you."

"I can't believe you don't hate me."

"Of course I don't hate you."

"Why not? I hate me." She finally admitted.

He chose his next words carefully, looking her in her evasive evergreen eyes. "I will never hate you."

She lifted her eyes. She was so afraid to hope.

"I will never hate you." He kissed her. "I will never hate you." kiss. "I will never hate you." kiss.

She let his affirmations settle into her heart. O'Brien was right. Mal was stronger than she'd ever thought.