Only when the elevator delivered Kade and I into our living space did I believe that we were truly saved.
Kade rushed to our security system and re-calibrated all our codes to ensure we were back in our safe space.
......
Right now, I'm freshly showered, wearing a towelling robe and sipping a cup of warmed milk to help me relax.
Kade arrives form his shower with just a towel around him, binding his cell to his waist. It's telling that we now shower separately. Showering together used to be our thing, part of our intimate routine.
Our separate showering is symptomatic of the shift in our relationship. Somewhere amidst all the madness and mayhem of our lives, we've drifted and allowed a distance to develop between us.
I notice it even now. Kade has slumped on the couch opposite me. Where as before we would have slumped together, our legs entwined in post-shower togetherness.
Kade notices my reflection and observation, "What is it?" He jumps up, his muscles tense and define as his body primes for defence. He looks back at me, "You see something suspicious?" he asks.
I swivel my head, sip my milk, "No," I say.
He slumps back down, "Then why'd you look at me like that?"
"How'd I look at you?"
He looks over his shoulder then back to me, "Like someone's there, something's wrong," he says, his head swivels back and forth, repeatedly.
I put my milk down, "All's right with our system, we're secure." I lean back and look at Kade for a moment, and then I stare behind him.
He shoots up again and spins defensively behind him, then swivels back to me, "Jeez Tan, stop doing that, you're freaking me out," he says, slumping back down and exhaling a sigh of relief.
"Doing what? I glanced behind your shoulder, that's all."
A flash of anger fleets across his face, "Come on Tan, you're playing with me; you know we react to our every glance, we have to." He shakes his head to shift his anger, "Jeez, we should be celebrating our escape – what's wrong with you?" he asks.
My voice raises an octave, "I tried to lock you up Kade, to make you my prisoner. And it backfired and I nearly had my brain removed – and you ask what's wrong with me?" Is it not freaking obvious?"
He tightens his towel which has loosened a little, "No – it's not," he says, suddenly sheepish, like he doesn't like where I'm taking this conversation.
But I need to keep going, to get it all out, "I locked you up to keep you from drifting further away from me – that's so wrong!"
He sits up and lifts his hand, "Correction – you locked me up to prevent me from transitioning to Transhuman," he says, emphatically.
I stand up, "Yes I did, but also I didn't." I raise my hand and use it like a conductor to help orchestrate my train of thought, "Here's the thing Kade – you wanting to transition to Transhuman is your way of locking yourself away from me, from us. Our relationship's shifted, there's a distance between us, but you want to put a gulf between us – think about it Kade?" I say, sitting down and finishing my milk.
I watch him, waiting for a reaction, hoping he'll relate on some, any level to what I'm saying.
But after a while he swivels his head, "Nah Tan, this is all way too heavy." He sits up, puts his elbows on his knees and leans in, "The reality is, relationships change and evolve; an element of drifting apart's inevitable."
The tables turned, and it's now me who doesn't like where Kade's taking this conversation – my mouth dries with dread.
He sits back, "My wanting to transition to Transhuman is my way of evolving our relationship." He flicks his foot up onto his knee, the way he does when he's chilling, "Sure, I recognise our drifting, which is why I think it's the right time to transition." He stands up and walks to the kitchen area, "You know that guy, the voice who helped us, he was right when he said about your transition to Transhuman: You are the beginning of the future."
He pulls his cell from where it's tucked into his waist, "I want to be the future. I believe my becoming Transhuman is the future of our relationship."
He points to his cell, "We're both booked onto the Trans-Siberian–Express – first class towards my transition." He tucks his cell back, "You can come with me, or stay here. The choice is yours – think about it, Tan."
He turns and walks away from me.
I shout after him, "Kade, come back, sit with me, let's talk this through."
He lifts his arm, "My mind's made up – you need time alone to make up yours."
......
I'm sitting here alone, my mouth dry, my head hurting, and my heart racing.
I feel desolate, isolated, and so desperately lonely.
