AN// TRIGGER WARNING: bulimia nervosa and bipolar disorder :( don't read this one if you'll be triggered, my loves :( <3
(y/n pov)
"'Night, baby?" Ethan mumbles into your neck. You nod, smiling. You lean down to kiss him on the head and snuggle closer to him. "Love you, baby," He murmurs. You smiled.
"Love you too, baby," You say, closing your eyes, getting ready to sleep. You sigh, but can't seem to sleep. You soon hear Ethan's soft breaths and can hear him sleeping. You sigh once again, feeling annoyed that you couldn't sleep.
You lay in the dark for hours, Ethan in your arms, his hands at the ends of your hair. You tried to sleep, but you just couldn't. You opened your eyes, looking around the room, trying to count yourself to sleep. No luck. You groaned quietly and tried to turn, but Ethan was practically laying on you.
Soon, you begin to feel Ethan's arms go around your waist. Immediately insecure, you push him away. He pushes back, poor baby still asleep, and tries to wrap his arms around your waist. You groan louder and try pushing him off of you. He stirs in his sleep but doesn't wake up.
You shut your eyes tight. You never let him wrap his arms around your waist. You were fat, how could he not see that? You couldn't let him wrap his arms around your waist. He'd realize how fat you were and leave you too.
But soon enough, you feel Ethan turn to wrap his arms around you again. You sigh, upset, and push him away completely. This wakes him up. "Baby?" He asks, voice raspy from just waking up. "What's wrong?" He asks, pushing himself up onto his elbow.
"Nothing, just sleep," You say to him, annoyance clear in your voice. He sat up. "Ethan turn the fuck around and sleep." You say to him. He shakes his head.
"No tell me, what's wrong, y/n," He says. You blow out air, frustrated with him and turn around to face his wall. His arm tries to go around your waist once again and you push him away. "Y/N, I'm your fucking boyfriend, can you tell me what's wrong?" He asked, now also annoyed.
"Nothing's fucking wrong, Ethan, Jesus Christ, leave me alone!" You stood up, grabbing your pillow and leaving his room. You heard him call after you but you ignored. Walking over to the couch, you lay down, a pillow under your head. You then finally begin to drift off to sleep.
---
You woke to the sound of a blender going off. You opened your eyes, confused as to where you were. Then the events of the previous night came to you. You sat up and stretched your arms, seeing Grayson blending a smoothie in the kitchen. He looks up at you and you smile. He raises his eyebrows.
Wiping his hands on his sweats he walks over to you. You look down at yourself, seeing a blanket covering your body. Figuring it must've been Ethan, you look up at Grayson. "Morning," He said, sitting on the couch to your right. You smiled, rubbing your eyes.
"Good morning," You said. He looked at you confused and you looked around.
"Wanna explain why you came to sleep here at 2 in the morning and why Ethan slammed the door shut and left the house?" Your eyes widened as your eyes glanced towards the door. "What the fuck happened?" He asked.
You felt tears in your eyes as you looked in the direction of Ethan's room. "He-he left?" You asked. Grayson nodded. "Where'd he go?" You asked. He shook his head and shrugged.
"How am I supposed to know, you guys fought," He said, just as confused as you. You began to cry harder. Gray's face softened. "I- I didn't mean to make you cry, I'm sorry," He says quickly, unaware of what to say. You shook your head, wiping your face.
"Grayson, I'm bipolar," You told him slowly. His eyes widened. "I have bipolar disorder." You said again, taking in a deep breath. He looked at you, still wide-eyed.
"I-I'm sorry? I- I don't know what to say, I'm sorry," He said. You shook your head. "Did the asshole get mad when you told him?" He asked. You shook your head.
"No, he doesn't know, I should've told him," You muttered. "God, this is all my fault, I should've fucking told him." Grayson shook his head.
"Hey, it's okay," He said. You shook your head, beginning to cry again. "What happened then last night?" He asked. You sighed.
"I- I don't really know, he tried to hug me and I pushed him away, and god I'm so fucking stupid," You groaned, shaking your head. "I should've told him, I-" You cut yourself short by your own sobs. Grayson put a hand over your arm.
"You'll be okay, don't worry," You shook your head. "You pushed him away because he hugged you?" He asked. You shook your head.
"No, he'll feel my fat. He'll feel my fat and then leave me. That's where I first saw him, Gray when I was coming home from New York from my bulimia fucking nervosa treatment. I was supposed to be okay, but guess what?" Grayson sighed. "I'm fucking not." You groaned, crying into your hands.
"Y/N, are you gonna tell him?" Grayson asked. You shrugged. "You should tell him or he's going to freak out over it over and over again." He told you.
"What's the use, he probably doesn't want to be with me anyway," You grumbled. Grayson shook his head and stood up.
"I'm going to check the house again. If I can't find him, we'll go drive around, okay? He's not answering his phone." You nodded. "Lay down, I'll be back."
-----
(ethan's pov)
"What the fuck bro?" Gray walked into the garage and I looked back from the punching bag. "I've been looking for you everywhere," I rolled my eyes and punched the bag for the thousandth time of the morning.
"Leave me alone, Grayson," I mumbled, punching the bag as hard as I could. He shook his head and walked closer. I rolled my eyes and turned. He put a hand on my shoulder. "Get the fuck away from me, Grayson!" I scream. He sighs.
"You gotta talk to her man," He said. I turned, anger in my eyes.
"She clearly doesn't want to talk to me," I told him, heart-clenching. I just tried to hug her, I'm her fucking boy-
"You have absolutely no idea what she's going through, Ethan," He said. I rolled my eyes and punched the bag. He grabbed my arm and pulled me off. "ETHAN!" He yelled. I shrugged him off of me.
"She doesn't want me to know then," I said, calming down. My head hurt. I haven't slept since she walked out of my room, just punching nonstop. "Gray, I hugged her, and she pushed me off. Does she not love me what the fu-" He cut me off.
"She does, just talk to her," I sighed, taking the gloves off. "Just fucking talk to her," He said, walking out of the garage.
---
"Hi," I said quietly, walking back into my room. She looked up from the pillow she was crying into and stared at me. I walked over to her as she sat up in bed. I sighed, rubbing her back. "I'm sorry, I-" She cut me off.
"I'm bipolar," She said. I shook my head.
"No, you're not, don't say that being moody i-" She cut me off and shook her head.
"No, Ethan, I have bipolar disorder. It's- I should've told you," She cried I stared at her, mouth open, confused as shit. "And I- don't- the hugging, I just- I'm- I don't want you to touch me and- and feel my fat and leave me." I stared at her as she cried harder into her hands.
"You're not fat, y/n," I told her. She shook your head. "No you're not and I wouldn't leave you for your weight, I would nev-"
"When we met, at the airport, I was coming home from New York?" She said. I nodded, and she continued. "I was coming home from treating this thing, bulimia nervosa, and I- I was supposed to be better, I was supposed to be oka-" I pulled her into me and let her cry onto my shoulder.
I rested my head on hers and a few of my own tears slipped out. "Y/N." She pulled away, wiping at her tears, that just continued to fall. "I'm not leaving you."
"Ethan-"
"Ever."
