French Benefits

23/ Dissociative

* DISCLAIMER: Contains explicit language, drug use, violent references, sexual content.

When All Of Your Wishes Are Granted, Many Of Your Dreams Will Be Destroyed

[ THIRD PERSON P.O.V ]

Sunday · June 10, 2001 · Lake Buena Vista, Florida

"You know, I don't remember what happened. I'm just trying to get adapted. It's like I must've lost myself, or something. I'm not sure. / You said you was a playa. And so I worried about ya. Now I'm playin' and I'm jaded. It's true girl can pin me down and tie me up. / Caught up in my crew, I get the tale and I'm still starin', wonderin' what to do. Drink, smoke. Smoke, drink. / Slip into depression; smoke and drink. Man I'm still stressin'. Cause every lesson, I'm forgettin'.. Is she waitin' on the next thing? / I'm bettin' on my life it's just a second of my existence. With the resistance, me resisting. And they still put it on me. / I'll make the rent, now ain't that a bitch? They fuck me and they leave me, shit. I feel like throwin' fits, maybe throwin' fists. / Maybe catch a hit. You're on my mind like a high school kid. I could crush ya, see, but instead it just crushed me. / I can feel the heat. I fall to my knees. Love costs a lot, but the pain, yeah, it comes for free... / They still put it on me. I can feel the heat. Love costs a lot, but the pain, yeah, it comes for free... / All these fine women dance to the fuckin' beat. Too busy fuckin', to take 'em out to fuckin' eat. / If you ain't fuckin', take a motherfuckin' seat. This is for the motherfuckin' industry. I grew up in the motherfuckin' street. / For my baby who knows I'll never fuckin' be anything better than I ever said I'd be. I'm too fuckin' fed up to notice you actually left me... / Love costs a lot, but the pain, yeah, it comes for free... Love costs a lot, but the pain, yeah, it comes for free..."

Sid stepped off the stage after finishing the song. He was performing in a small bar that was in the city they were playing in for a couple of nights in a row. He purposely performed it tonight because Alice was there, too. Everyone from both bands were.

After Alice told Sid that she'd slept with Corey it was all he needed to get over her. He had been in too much pain and constantly beating himself up for treating her like she was doing shit with him.

Once she confessed that she actually did it only angered him. He realized that he was right the entire time. Now he was stuck with more questions- did she cheat? Was she with him the whole time? Had both her and Corey been lying to Sid the length of their entire relationship?

But he couldn't allow himself to care anymore. Sid simply shrugged the thoughts away and moved on with his life.

As Sid got off stage he saw Ali sitting at the table downing shots back to back. She looked over to him and he only glared at her and turned his attention to the couple of women who had approached him.

A few days ago, Sid had added some red into the bottom layer of his hair. He could tell that it got a reaction out of Ali.

It was the first time she'd truly smiled at him since she'd told him they were over. It was funny how it had happened in his mind. While on the bus, Sid had taken a longer shower than usual, for obvious reasons; and Ali was banging on the bathroom door saying she had to take a piss. She hadn't yet seen his hair so he dried himself off and only pulled on a pair of sweat pants and let his hair fall down his chest.

He swung the door open while she was in mid-knock and she nearly fell into him. Her eyes widened in surprise and when she looked up into his eyes she smiled - a real smile.