"I'm just different, I'm special. And you never felt like this before. I mean, please. I sleep with everyone, too."
Inspired by the song 'French Benefits' by Sid Wilson
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* DISCLAIMER: Contains explicit language, drug use, violent references, sexual content.
Saturday · March 24, 2001 · Columbus, Ohio
I spent hours, up until showtime, thinking about what I should do.
I was late getting ready, so I had to just throw something random on before I grabbed my bass and ran on stage. I haven't seen Sid since our incident, and I walked away from him. My heart is so torn. I do nothing but hurt myself and those around me. And hell knows they don't deserve it. I'm thinking I should just distance all of them from myself for a while and leave it behind...
I looked down at my phone to see that I was nearly late for soundcheck and had nine missed calls from my band mates. "Shit," I muttered under my breath as I rushed to get ready.
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"I'm here, I'm here!" I yelled as I ran into the large room. "Don't ask me shit. I love you all but just leave me be for a while, okay?" I snapped before people could say anything to me.
We played through our setlist pretty quickly and Corey pulled me to the side.
"I've been wanting to ask you something. There's a song I've been working on for a while but uh- I wanted it to be a duet type thing. Would you be willing to perform it with me soon if we work on it together first?"
He rubbed the back of his neck as he asked me this. "I'll think about it and let you know." I walked out to the stage, greeting our lovely fans; the only people keeping me going.
◊◊◊
"This last song, I'd like to dedicate to someone very special to me. He showed up out of nowhere, tried to steal my heart and though I resisted for a long time, I think he finally won."
I glanced towards the curtain and saw all the guys giving him high fives and patting him on the back – except for two. Jim and Corey. They just stared at me in shock.
Sid had the biggest smile on his face, and I turned my attention back to the crowd who were screaming illegible words towards us.
"It's all in how you mix the two, and it starts just where the light exists. / It's a feeling that you cannot miss, and it burns a hole through everyone that feels it. / Well you're never gonna find it if you're looking for it. It won't come your way. / Should've done something but I've done it enough. By the way your hands were shaking / I'd rather waste some time with you. And you never would have thought in the end, / how amazing it feels just to live again. It's a feeling that you cannot miss. It burns a hole through everyone that feels it. / Well you're never gonna find it if you're looking for it. It won't come your way. / Should've done something but I've done it enough. By the way your hands were shaking / I'd rather waste some time with you."
