French Benefits

34/ My Sanity

* DISCLAIMER: Contains explicit language, drug use, violent references, sexual content.

'What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to live now? All I ever did was try...'

Sunday · April 21, 2002

Fourteen days had passed, and Alice grew worried of the men she'd grown to care for while in this comatose state. All of her friends who visited her didn't talk about them, and it made her even more concerned.

Hanna and Mandy showed up once a week, at least. They didn't say much at all; mainly just sit at Alice's side for a few hours before leaving. It was a strange routine of theirs. Ever since both Sid and Corey stopped visiting, no one said much in the room with her.

Sam even wheeled herself down to Alice's room a few days ago, telling her how happy she was that Alice was still alive, and that she didn't blame her for what went down or her failed relationship.

Today was the day that Hanna and Mandy visited Alice. Hanna walked into the room with two cups of coffee in one hand, one stacked on top another, and a brown bag hanging from her teeth.

As she made her way back into the hospital room, she flashed Mandy a small smile and let the bag drop into her lap.

She set the cups of coffee on the table at Alice's bedside and accepted the bagel that was thrust to her by Mandy. Uttering a small thanks, she grasps Alice's hand with her free one and takes a small bite.

"Has she moved an inch yet?" Hanna asked, already knowing the answer.

"Not that I know of. I fell asleep for a few minutes. But I didn't feel her move," Mandy looks over to Alice's seemingly lifeless body sadly.

The soul of the woman in question stood at the foot of the bed, watching the exchange between the two. She could basically feel her heart beating in her chest again.

"I'm sure she'll wake up soon. We just have to give her time,"

"How much more time?" Mandy was scared to ask, but she had to.

"She's breathing on her own, Mandy. The only sign of life from her, is her heart beat and the fact that her eyes roll under their lids. She's making more progress than she did a month ago."

"I know she's doing better. I just want her awake already, you know? I'm tired of seeing her in the same spot every time I come."

A few moments of silence washed over the two women.

"Hey, have you heard anything from Sid or the guys? I feel like they should know she's breathing on her own now." Hanna mumbled, knowing Mandy didn't agree with that decision.

They chose to walk out, so they lost the right to updates in her mind. She still remembers the day she told Sid to leave because of the way he was speaking of Alice, and he hadn't come back or said a word since.

That just didn't sit well with her. Where was he? How could he talk about loving her so much, and disappear during such an important time like this?

"No. Why would I? I don't associate with Sid or Corey," she scoffed at the thought.

"I just hope they're doing okay. I might give Corey a call soon, at least..." Hanna trailed off and refused to make eye contact with Mandy. She could just feel the judgement pouring off of her friend and band mate.

"Call him! Call them both! Call my other friends! I'm so fucking lonely here, and no one talks to me!" Alice screamed out, wanting to pull her hair and beat the wall.