French Benefits

26/ Found Out About You

* DISCLAIMER: Contains explicit language, drug use, violent references, sexual content.

Wednesday · June 20, 2001 · Burlington, Vermont

We're in a hotel for the next four nights while we all take a well-deserved break.

The girls have still been giving me shit for getting so fucked up that I missed a show – as if I didn't feel bad enough about it already.

Paul played my bass parts from backstage but Hanna had to attempt singing all of my parts as well as hers, but she said they played the slower songs with less screaming. Not sure how it went with Slipknot but they weren't pissed at Sid – in fact they told him to stay and take care of me. Assholes.

Mandy was sharing a room with Sam. Hanna was with Joey of course, Jim was rooming with Mick. Chris with Sid, Craig was alone as usual. That left Paul and Shawn, and of course Corey asked me to room with him. I made him promise he wouldn't be weird, and I would agree.

We got a room with two queen size beds and I had spent most of my day writing. I was helping Corey with some choruses as well as a few acoustic guitar pieces, and it was just an overall good feeling that I had. My thoughts were finally straying from Sid and that's exactly what I needed.

"You hold me inside your iris / like a terminal stain on life / You condescend to my primal brain / and twist me around like a knife / Can't begin to explain / The feelings I have restrained / Don't ask me how I am / Because you're too busy planning your epitaph / Let me tell you / don't - try to be the one – person / Who has stayed - just to say they never left me / Aggravated, complicated, someone say it / God, I never learn... / You keep me hidden behind a curtain / an audible human display / You feed me orchids to give me courage / and keep me in line with disdain / I have nothing left for you... / you left me with nothing / I live at arm's length and die a little, / between your constants by day / I want my soul back before it's over, / I can't even wish you away / God, I never learn / I never learn"

"Thank you for helping me, Ali. I owe you one. Two, actually." Corey smiled over at me as he finished singing. We had spent a few hours trying to get the sound right for a new song he'd been working on as well.

"Nah, we're friends. We help each other out. That's just what we do." I smiled over and sat the acoustic guitar back in its case. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and knew Corey was in a mood.

"Well, since you put it that way..." his voice trailed off and he spun me around, kissing me firmly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he picked me up, causing my legs to wrap around his waist. I could feel his excitement already growing which only fueled me even more.

As hard as I try to break myself off from him, the sex is just incredible. And other than being my friend, he doesn't ask for anything else. That's possibly the best part.

"I'm starting to get used to this." I admitted, smiling wickedly at Corey. His smile grew, too, and he put me down on the bed. But before he could do much else, I sat up on my knees and grabbed his shirt collar, pulling him down with me. I climbed on top of him, straddling his waist and brought my face down to his, connecting our lips yet again.

More clothes were shed and we spend the next few hours, and even into the next couple of days in pure bliss. Not only on the bed, couch, kitchen counter, but also the shower and wherever else either of us saw fit at the time.

Saturday · June 23, 2001

Tonight, Corey had decided we were going out with everyone else. They wanted to get both drunk and laid so we went to a club called 'Star Nights'. I agreed to it, because I was feeling pretty strange being cooped up in a room for three days straight. I got dressed in a tight 'HIM' long sleeve shirt with a gold heartagram on the front, black leather pants and my Doc Martens.