French Benefits

29/ May Be the Last Time

* DISCLAIMER: Contains explicit language, drug use, violent references, sexual content.

"Ali, would you come have a drink with me?" Sid asked, finding me again in the hotel's parking lot. I thought it over for a few seconds and agreed. I could honestly go for some booze and company that isn't as awkward as Chris offering me casual sex.

"Yeah, why not?" Sid's face lit up like Christmas lights and he reached for my hand instinctively. I didn't have time to think, so my initial reaction was to distance myself.

"Shit, sorry. Uh- there was a pub right across from here if that's okay with you?"

"Heh. Yeah. You don't have to tiptoe around me, you know?"

He scratched the back of his neck as we walked.

"Sorry. I'm just not used to this anymore." I couldn't agree more.

As we got to the pub, we sat at a small table outside and ordered some drinks.

"What's on your mind, Sidney?" I teased.

"I know I sound like a broken record. But, I miss you; not being part of your life, but watching you be around us every day, is killing me. I'm not asking for the world, here. Just... not the way it has been either."

Truth be told, I missed him too. More than I have admitted out loud, or even to myself for that matter. I'm just not sure that I'm ready to yet.

"Sid..." I trailed off. He sighed and looked back down, seeming defeated.

"I'm sorry." I breathed out quickly. "I shouldn't be such a dick to you all the time. I just don't know how to process everything that's happened between us. The easiest thing for me is to push you away and ignore all my feelings."

Sid looked up and shot me a small smile. "I don't know, either. But I need you Ali. However it is I can have you in my life, please."

"I need more alcohol before I can get deeper into this conversation" I told him.

So that's what we did. Spent an hour drinking and getting a pretty good buzz going.

"It really is beautiful here." I commented as I stood up, leaning on the rail that separates the pub area from the sidewalk. I felt arms around my waist and Sid moved my hair from my face, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Nothing compares to you." He whispered. A chill went down my spine and he seemed to notice. His lips then connected to the bare skin on my neck. My sober brain would tell me to move away, not to let myself get back in the same situation I've just gotten out of. But my drunken brain seems quite the opposite.

I turned around to face him. "Sid, stop-"

"None of that. Not now," Sid didn't let me finish; he placed his hands on each side of my face as he kissed me passionately, seemingly trying to make up for all the time we'd lost.