Truth

chapter 6

'Liv'

I lie in my new bed staring up at the ceiling panels, Sammie's soft snores tells me she's already fallen asleep. This bed feels strange and foreign to me and I pull my comforter up higher around my face to try set myself more at ease.

Today feels like it was never ending, I feel completely out of my comfort zone here and I'm mentally exhausted. It seems I've made an unlikely friend in Sammie and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that.

It's better not to get close to people, eventually she's going to want to know more about me and I can't give her that. Sharing stories about my past won't help me move on from them and I promised myself that I'll be better and do better here. Fake it untill you feel it right?

The memory of that guy, Jace and his asshole friends intrude my thoughts. I slipped back into my old self and on the first day of my new start. I've always been impulsive and had a quick temper but I could feel him draw out all the things I'm struggling to keep in control and the thing that worries me the most is I welcomed the feeling, I reveled in it.

I grab my phone from underneath my pillow 12:25 and instinctively check my alarm is still set for 7:00. Missed calls and text messages plague my phone screen reminding me that my mother will be pissed at me once again.

I wasn't going to answer her infront of Sammie. It's hard enough keeping on top of my lies as it is without my mother screeching down the phone reminding me of my past sins and not to repeat them.

I know she must love me in her own fucked up way but I also know she'll never forgive me or even try to understand the feelings that led me to the way I was. She has a duty to love me and that's all there is, I'm her little, inconvenient embarassment, that she shipped off to Washington college so I'd self destruct away from her.

I squeeze my eyes shut at the thought and try to push the anxiety away with a promise of facing her tomorrow. I wait for sleep to overcome me whilst images of my mother's disappointed face, my old friends and a pair of haunting grey eyes play on repeat in my mind, untill Im finally able to drift off to sleep.

I awake to a sharp noice penetrating my ears and ripping me out of my blissful sleeping state. I blindly root around under my pillow to find the source of the noise. Squinting one of my eyes open, I shut it off and let it fall onto the patterned grey and white comforter beside me.

I feel like hell, I slept like hell and I'm in need of a serious coffee fix. I'm not a morning person in the slightest and as I sit up and hang my legs over the side of the bed I contemplate my life choices. Do I even really need to go to college? Yes, yes you do my inner voice reminds me. I groan in response and lift myself off the bed unwillingly.

I need to take a shower so I grab my toiletry bag and pick out my outfit. I make my way to the co-ed bathroom with somewhat ease and mentally pat myself on the back for not getting lost. I'm greatful the bathroom is somewhat empty and pick an end shower stall drawing the curtain across.

As soon as the hot water hits my skin I feel my muscles instantly relax and quickly begin washing over my body. Taking the time to shave my legs and then massage my honey scented shampoo into my hair. Once I've rinsed and dried off I hastily get dressed, brush my teeth and exit the bathroom.

When I arrive back to the room I'm greeted by a smiling Sammie already dressed in a casual light pink playsuit and her hair neatly pulled into a pony. I hadn't even noticed she was even awake, I need coffee more than I thought. I comb my brush through my long dark brown hair and begin drying it. I finish it off by styling it into loose waves.

"So are you excited for today? I thought I'd walk you there so you wouldn't worry about getting lost and being late." Thoughtful and chirpy as ever even without a morning caffeine fix.
"Thanks, is there a coffee shop on campus? I don't think I'll be able to make it through without one."

I pull my makeup bag out from my dresser and sit cross legged on the floor infront of the mirror. I want to make an effort today, first impressions are everything and makeup has a way of making me feel more confident.

"Yeah The Beans about a ten minute walk away, we can leave a little earlier and grab one on the way. What time does your orientation start?" I glance at my phone to check the time it's quarter past nine, plenty of time.
"Not untill half ten." I give her a smile in the reflection of the mirror.

Once I've finally finished on my face I dust over my eyelids with a nude brown eyeshadow and line them with my black eyeliner. I smile at the perfect line and small flick Ive created and quickly finish the look off with a coating of mascara to my eyelashes. I stand up tucking one side of my long hair behind my ear and examine my reflection.

I've chosen to wear one of my signature baggy white t-shirts which I re-tuck loosely into the blue faded denim skirt that reaches half way down my thighs, cute but casual. I retreat back into the closet and dig out an old reliable pair of white converse and slip them onto my feet. I take one last glance at my reflection and nod in approval.

"I love you hair like that I hadn't realised how long it was." Sammie compliments me, it rests just above my waist. I prefer it a little shorter but it hasn't been on my list of priorities, maybe I should find a salon and book in for a trim.

"Ready?" I ask grabbing my purse making sure my note book and pens are inside along with any other essentials I might need.
"Yep let's get you that coffee and officially start your college experience!" I roll my eyes but smile in return. I know that I'm ready for this, im ready for my life to finally start.