Truth

chapter 24

'Liv'

I don't know how long I remain in the shower, I've lost all sense of time it would seem. I vaguely feel the cold water hitting my skin and take that as my signal that it's time to get out. I wrap the soft white towel around my body and take a look at my appearance in the mirror.

I look an absolute mess. I removed all of my makeup whilst washing but my eyes and cheeks have been left red and swollen from my harsh crying.
I begin to dress myself slowly my limbs feel stiff and don't seem to want to cooperate.

I didn't expect Jace to come after me especially after he learned those awful things about me. I should never have played that fucking game in the first place. Why didn't I just leave with Jace? I feel numb, completely detached from my body, maybe it's the vodka or maybe I've just finally lost my fucking mind.

I exit the bathroom when I'm dressed and immediately notice Jace's figure perched on the bar stool waiting for me. He turns his head towards me when he feels my presence. He's wearing a worried expression as he checks me over, maybe he thinks I've lost my mind too, I can't blame him.

I take the coffee into my hands and take a sip, I know it tastes good but it doesn't feel it. I can't stop the nagging voice in my mind telling me whiskey would be better for me right now. I don't sit, I don't want to because I can see Jace is expecting me to talk about what happened and I don't have the words to explain.

I walk past him coffee in hand and go to his bedroom, climbing onto his bed carefully, I sit cross-legged by the head board leaning into the plush pillows. I place the steaming mug of coffee down on the cabinet giving up on drinking it and pull my legs up into my body in a bid to hold myself together, resting my chin onto my knees.

Why did I even come here? I feel the familiar wetness of tears spilling down my face again.
"

Liv? Are you okay?" I feel far from okay, my head is thumping from memories I've tried to keep locked away but there spilling out with my tears, drowning me.

"Liv?" I feel Jace's weight shift onto the bed, he's sitting Infront of me now but I don't see him.
"Liv please talk to me." I feel the rough warmth of his hands holding either side of my face, his thumbs wipe away at the ever falling tears.
"Let me help you."
"You can't." Because I can't even help myself is what I should say.

I feel completely lost everything I've pushed out of my mind for so long has finally caught up with me and I feel it destroying me inside all over again.
"Just look at me!"

The harshness of his words shocks me, of course his annoyed look at the state of me. When I look at his eyes though they're not holding any anger, they are full of sorrow pleading with me.

"What happened to you?" I shake my head not knowing where to begin, if I even should.
"There's too much I just can't." My voice whimpers I don't even recognise the sound of it anymore.
"Did something happen besides that game?"

I nod in response, the memory of my mothers words painfully reach the forefront of my mind along with everything that happened before it.
"Has someone hurt you Liv?" I can't stop the painful rushed words that leave my Lips.

"My m..om she doesn't want me! And my dad.. he.. he..I've done things Jace.. things happened..I.. I.. can't take it back and none of it will go away!" The tears come thick and fast, my chest is heaving trying to grasp any air that's left in the room to fill my lungs.

"If..if you knew.. if people knew I can't!"
"It's okay..it doesn't matter not to me, I've done things too, things I'm not proud of, sometimes things happen and they change us in the worst way possible but we can't let it destroy us. Please don't cry, come here."

He pulls me effortlessly onto his lap so I'm straddling him and for the first time I notice his eyes are not just grey, flecks of light blues and greens run through them, they're enchanting.
"I can't tell you, I'm sorry I'm.." he cuts me off.
"I would never push you to do that, there's things about me I just.. I couldn't either okay? You know I'd never intentionally hurt you right?"

I hardly know him but I have a strong instinct telling me that I can trust him. I don't think he would lie to me, he doesn't have a reason to. I nod at him not needing to say the words.

He pulls me close to his chest wrapping his strong arms around my back and I rest my face into his neck, breathing deep, the smell of him sends a calmness over my body. I wrap my hands around the back of his neck welcoming the comfort he gives me.

I don't know how long we've sat here for like this but I pull my head away to look up at his face, his beautiful eyes finding mine.
"Thank you."
"Why are you thanking me?"
"For finding me." I mean it in a different way to what he probably thinks.

He pulled me back from the edge and he has no idea.
"I'll always find you." His hand reaches up to my face and his thumb strokes gently across my cheek, I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling it gives me.

I feel his lips softy close around mine and his hands move to cup my face once again. We've kissed before but this is so gentle so much more intimate. I sigh against his mouth opening enough to let him in, his warm tonuge swirls around mine, erasing every bad thought and memory from my mind. I need him.