Truth

chapter 17

'Jace'

I roll around the glass of whiskey in my hand trying to focus on the way the brown liquid moves against the glass, instead of the feelings that are colliding inside of me. The distraction isn't enough and I tip the whole contents into my mouth swallowing hard and groan at the burn it leaves in my throat.

"The same again." I bark slamming the glass down onto the counter. The middle aged bar woman shoots me a warning look but refills my glass with the bottle in her hands anway.

"Where did your girl go?" She asks. I'm sure she's making some kind of attempt to piss me off in response to my behaviour, so I gulp down more of the freshly poured liquid to avoid spilling out the insult forming on my tongue.
"She's not my fucking girl."

"But you want her to be?" What's with the intruding questions? isn't she meant to just pour my damn drinks and only speak when she's spoken to? Obviously she didn't get the fucking memo.

"What the fuck? No I don't want to be with her!"
"Okay sweetie I didn't mean to offend you, I just assumed by how upset you are that something was happening between the two of you."

Of course I'm upset she's playing me for an idiot, playing her continuous little games with me so she can get one up on me all the time and make me look like a prick.

I went completely out of my comfort zone to help her out and she took advantage leaving me embarrassed yet again. This is why I refuse to trust or let anyone In, they only fuck you over in the end.

"She lied to me, she knew where her purse was all along." When I say it aloud again I can hear how pathetic it actually sounds coming out of my mouth.
"Really? I don't think so the way she acted didn't seem like she was lying about it and why would she? I make a living out of serving liars so I think I would of noticed."

I drain my glass glaring into the pink haired womens face, who has obviously taken Liv's side in this. Maybe because of there new formed friendship from last night. She refills my glass automatically but continues rambling on.

"Now don't take offence but it looks to me that you've jumped to the worst conclusion because maybe that's what you expect from people."
"You don't know shit!" Who the hell is she to tell me what I think? I sure as hell know she wouldn't want to hear what I think about her!

"Maybe not but what I do know is that you've over reacted, you've created  something out of nothing and reacted on it out of impulse for god only knows what reason and now your sitting here feeling sorry for yourself."

Not wanting to hear another word fall from her judgemental lips, I reach into my back pocket and throw down some bills onto the countertop, downing the whiskey left in the glass before I charge out of the bar.

The sudden change of lighting makes me squint my eyes when I step outside. I'd forgotten that it was only early, the sun is still hanging brightly in the sky which contrasts with the darkness I feel inside of me.

Liv unwelcomly enters my mind again and I can't help but think back to when she was at the bar. Was it still early like this when she chose to go drinking on her own yesterday? what could of drove her to do it in the first place? It couldn't of been me could it?

I glance over at my car and register that Liv's shit one is no longer parked up beside it, not that it would matter to me if it was. Well I'm definitely not driving now I'm well over the limit and it isn't worth the risk.

I'll just walk, I don't live far anyway and it will give me a chance to clear my head. I replay the argument with Liv in my mind yet again thinking about what I accused her of, it seems more pathetic everytime I think about it.

Was that fucking women right, did I over react at nothing? Did I just twist everything up inside my own fucked up head? I'm fully aware that I've always been a paranoid fuckup. I never seem to be able to escape the darkness of my own mind but this is what I was made into, my own worst enemy. I carry on walking along the side walk and begin focusing on trying not to stumble over my large black boots.

Closing my apartment door behind me I make a beeline for the lounge area, eager to lay back on the black leather of the couch and watch mind numbing television. I throw my body down onto the cushions and I'm met with a pile of Liv's clothes folded in the corner.

Obviously I'm incapable of fucking escaping her! How did she even manage to leave them here? We was standing in here right before we left.

That fucking purse of hers comes to mind again, maybe she does have a bad habit of not taking care of her belongings. picking up the pile of clothes suddenly aggravated, I stalk towards the trash can in a bid to rid myself of them and her. She'll be mad if she finds out I chucked them out, I can practically see the flare of her angry, amber eyes in my mind.

Changing direction I head to the bedroom and throw them into the hamper. Are you really going to be a bitch and do her laundry now to? My subconscious snipes at me. I quickly throw them in and go back to my original plan.

Settling my self down on the couch in my now Liv free space, I load up Netflix and choose an episode of Breaking Bad to rewatch. My phone vibrates in my back pocket and I reach behind to grab it out. Checking the phone screen Charlie's name pops up, I open the message.

"Party tonight man. We're setting up now you in?"

"Not tonight."

"Really? Think of the the girls!"

"Been there fucked them."

"Then just come for the laughs!"
I roll my eyes at his comment, it's the same old shit every weekend.

"Nah I'm good."

"I finally tracked down Liv she's meeting me here later."

What? why? The thought pisses me off more than I'd care to admit. I thought I'd thrown that off last night but obviously not, he's persistent I'll give him that. Charlie told me at the party about his plan to let her stay with him at the frat house. He lives there and he knew full well she wouldn't be able to get a lift home.

So when I caught her near on crying outside on the steps it was the perfect opportunity to get her away from him. It's not that I'm jealous because I'm fucking not, I just don't want her with him. Not that any of it matters because she's agreed to go back there and meet up with him regardless.

I wonder if Charlie would be so persistent if he knew she stayed with me last night? Or that we shared a kiss. The memory of our screaming match this morning replays in my mind.

I wish I knew where it was because then I wouldn't of been forced to stay with you!

That rejection hurt I'm not going to lie, I've never stayed with anyone intentionally before especially never in my bed or sober come to think of it. Then fucking Charlie went and woke us up this morning trying to track her down. I find myself wishing that I told him exactly where she was, next to me, in my clothes, in my bed.

She thought I was asleep when I cuddled into her last night but I couldn't resist the pull of energy towards her body. I wanted to feel her body pressed against me again and it bought me more comfort than I would have imagined.

She's fucked my head up in the few short days that I've known her. I look around my apartment and it suddenly feels empty from the life that Liv bought into it.