Truth

chapter 10

'Liv'

What the hell just happened? What the fuck did I just do? Why would he follow me in here? Questions continue to intrude my mind attempting to help me make sense of the situation I just got myself into.

I tried to get away from him outside, repeatedly in fact and with each attempt I made it only seemed to fuel him more. I became stuck in a cat and mouse game he created and I could see the pure pleasure it bought him to push me into a reaction and I let him.

How did I not notice he was following me? When I saw him in my room my heart dropped down to my stomach. Remembering the thought pushes me to search in the closet for my case.

Where is it? When I locate my case I unzip it, rummaging around inside until I feel the coolness of glass against my hand and pull out the secret bottle of brown liquor.
Turning it over in my hands I sink to the floor and trace over the label with my fingertips.

Bad habits never die apparently, I kept it incase of emergencies, incase I really needed it. Day two of my new life and I'm struggling, that says alot about me as a person.

I can't believe he kissed me, I can't believe I kissed him back. I couldn't control myself, I felt almost drawn to him in that moment as if it was inevitable.

The tension was so intense, incasing us in such a small space. It was overwhelming and I felt unable to breathe but when he kissed me it was as if he breathed the life back inside of me.

There was no thinking involved just the electricity that flowed through me making my body come alive under his touch. I twist open the cap of the bottle and take a large gulp feeling the familiar burn run down my chest and settle in my stomach.

I can't do this again I'm back tracking, I need to get away from here! Before I can over think what I'm doing, my thumbs tap over my phone screen and I begin calling my mother.

"Olivia it's about time, I know you can see I've been trying to contact you your so selfish sometimes." Friendly as ever.
"Sorry." I mumble pulling the phone away from hearing range, I gulp down more of the brown liquid.
"Well I take your settled in now, when do your classes start?"

"Yes my roommate helped me she's called Sammie you'd like her and my classes start next week" And she probably would like her, more so then me. She's the type of person my mom wishes that I was, good.

"Well that's good I'm glad your making decent friends there. Are you behaving Olivia?" I'm half tempted to tell her no I'm not. That I've just made out with someone that she'd surely hate, who I even hate and I'm now chugging a bottle of whiskey sitting on the floor.

"Of course mother, actually I was thinking that maybe I can come home? I could transfer to Seattle..." I already know the answer, if she wanted me at home I could of gone to Seattle in the first place she wanted me away but im missing my fucked up friends and the familiarity of my old life.

"You know your not coming home Olivia that's your home now you need to take the opportunity and make the best of it. I want to be happy too and maybe you will if you let yourself one day."
Her words feel like a blow to my stomach knocking the wind out of me.

I don't know why I would expect anything else from her, the woman doesn't own a motherly instinct in her body.
"Mom.." she cuts me off.
"No Olivia I mean it. Ever since your dad..you know you've acted out and it's almost destroyed me! I'm living my own life now and I think it's best you do the same."

Cold hearted bitch! I bring the bottle to my lips again feeling my anger burn more than the liquor.

"Don't you even mention him to me! How about I just drop out of school and you can loose your fucking money how about that!?" I scream loosing control, hoping to hurt her as much as her words hurt me. She only responds in a calm unaffected voice.

"I've done what I can for you now whether you decide to drop out or not, it's no longer my problem anymore but you will not be coming back here, do you understand?" Oh I fucking understand alright, I understand you washed your fucking hands of me!

I hang up and scream out into the space of the room, untill all the air has left my lungs. Getting up, I twist the cap back on the bottle and shove it back inside my case. Im going from pacing around the room to sitting on the bed. I dont know how to feel but I know I'd rather feel nothing at all.

I'd welcome the numbness over this unwanted, rejected feeling tearing away inside of me. So the decision being made, I grab my purse and keys and head out to the parking lot. I'm sober enough to drive to sober for my liking actually. So with that in mind I pull out of campus seeking somewhere I can change it.

I drive through unknown streets to find a run down bar I can hide away and go unnoticed in. I come across one named Jimmys' and pull in deciding that this is my destination for the evening. I don't have to worry about being carded, thanks to my old friends and lifestyle I've got a fake.

I laugh at the thought of it being an old lifestyle when im still clearly carrying on with the same destructive path only lying about it. I pull on the heavy wooden door of the bar and walk inside.

I'm greeted by the familiar inviting smell of stale alchole and cigerettes. Heading towards the counter, I wait for the bartender to notice my arrival.
"Hey sugar what can I get you?" she asks leaning her arms onto the countertop.

"I'll just grab a beer please." She ducks down to the fridge behind her and  pulls out a cold one, popping the top off and handing it to me with a warm smile. I note that she didn't ask for my ID, which leads me to believe that she makes a habit of serving underage college kids.

"Rough day?" she smiles at me again and her eyes wander down to my shirt. I follow her gaze and I'm greeted with the sight of a large, now dried coffee stain. I groan aloud, I'd completely forgotten to change after my encounter with Jace and the conversation with my Mom.

Uneccessary laughter errupts from my mouth. This very coffee stain was the cause of my shit day and everything that followed after it. The bartender laughs along with me and I tip my head back enjoying the cold taste of the beer.
"You already look like you need another?"
"Yeah, why the hell not?"