The Lies Between Us (Lie Series #1)

TLBU #5

"Elli." A sweet voice called me.

"Ma?" I found myself in a field full of sunflowers.

"I miss you baby." She gently said and touched my cheeks.

I started crying. "I miss you,too Ma."

She hugged me. "You know that I'm always guiding you in heaven. I want you to stop hurting yourself baby. Nothing is your fault."

"I can't Ma. Sobrang sakit. Iniwan nyo ko. Am I not enough Ma?"

"You are more than enough baby but there are things I can't explain to you."

Kinalas niya ang pagkakayakap sa akin at hinawakan niya ang magkabilang pisngi ko.

"Alam mo Ma, sobrang miss na kita. I miss your smile, your hugs, your touch and you, always telling me how much you love me."

"Stop crying Elli, I want you to be strong. I want you to be good. I need you to fix yourself and started planning on your future. Stop living in the past Elli. You may loss me but please 'wag pati ang sarili mo, you need to find your true happiness and keep moving forward. Move on baby."

Agad siyang bumitaw ng pagkakahawak sa akin at unti-unti umatras palayo sa akin.

"Ma! I can't." I shouted, gusto kong tumakbo para habulin si Mama pero hindi ako makagalaw.

"I can't Ma. I need you. Please! I love you Ma, isama mo na lang ako."

Nakita ko siyang ngumiti at umiling.

I woke up crying. Agad kong tinakpan ng kumot ang mukha ko at mas lalong umiyak.

I miss my mom. Kahit sa panaginip, sobrang sakit pa rin. How can I moved on like what my mama want me to do kung 'di ko alam kung saan ako mag-uumpisa.

My past make me hate myself because I always felt that I'm not enough to anyone. Life sucks. Sana sumama na lang ako kay mama pero alam kong hindi siya matutuwa sa gagawin ko.

I feel incomplete.

I feel empty.

I feel lost.

My biggest question was, how to love myself and move on?

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal umiyak. Pero ng nakita ko ang mata ko sa salamin ay sobrang namamaga ang mata ko. Makapagsuot na nga lang ng shades sa school. I wear a v-neck white shirt and tucked it in my black ripped jeans and a pink nike airmax rubber shoes. I let my hair down and wear a black cap with a print saying "Life is a bitch so learn how to fuck it."

Nang nakarating ako sa classroom ay wala pang tao. Ang aga kong nagising dahil sa panaginip ko. Im still wearing my shades and cap inside the classroom, sobrang gloomy ng itsura ko. Namamaga pa din yung mata ko.