𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 || seongsang

14⋆Unlabeled

"Hey... Can I come in?"

A surprise visit at 3AM is definitely not something Seonghwa appreciates and he rubs his tired eyes, having just woken up from his sleep by the knock on his door. It is way too late for him to make rational decisions by now, and even though he had been furious with Yeosang before he fell asleep he lets the younger in without complaints.

No vocal complaints at least, his facial expression is far from happy and he doesn't even try to hide it.

"What are you doing here?" Seonghwa asks as he closes the door and heads straight back to sit on his bed, with a tired groan.

"I'm sorry about the outburst. I... I just freaked out, I guess..."

"You came over just to say that? Thought you were busy getting fucked, or whatever."

"Seonghwa..." Yeosang looks surprised by the tone and choice of words coming from Seonghwa. Slowly he sits down on the bed, next to where Seonghwa is sitting.

The sudden, surprisingly soft way that Yeosang says his name does make Seonghwa feel bad for talking to him the way he just did. He turns his face and gently strokes his fingers over Yeosang's cheek.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that..." he whispers, once again captivated by Yeosang's face.

Yeosang just shrugs his shoulders, staring at the wall at the opposite of the room. He smacks his lips a few times like he wants to say something, but he doesn't do it right away. Instead he slowly turns to look at Seonghwa as well. Something seems different about Yeosang tonight, something Seonghwa can't explain but he can feel it.

"I didn't do it though," Yeosang mumbles and looks away again. "I didn't sleep with that guy..."

"Why not?"

"I just didn't feel like it..."

Seonghwa nods in loss for words. This is the first time Yeosang has acted so gentle around him, even letting him stroke his chin without making a cringing face. Something has definitely changed; the way Yeosang looks at him, the way he slowly leans in closer to make their arms brush against each other, the way he speaks. But Seonghwa doesn't know why or when things started to change.

"So, how was your date?"

The younger's question dangles in front of Seonghwa like words that didn't want to be spoken nor heard. Yeosang is tugging the ends of his black, long sleeved shirt and a cute little hum is coming from him to break the awkward silence that has started to spread.

"It... It was... fine," Seonghwa answers. "She was very... Sweet."

He isn't lying, so how come the words are so hard to say out loud? They just keep getting stuck, much like he himself is feeling.

The evening had been just fine, Yerin was cute and sweet and he didn't even mind when she had kissed him on the cheek. But now he finds himself getting lost, stuck in those amazing brown eyes next to him.

Now, he can't imagine wanting to kiss anyone else's lips than Yeosang's.

"I'm sorry for throwing that question at you earlier," Seonghwa mumbles not taking his eyes off of Yeosang for one second. By now he doesn't care about hiding that he likes to look at him. Yeosang is so beautiful that it would be unfair not to do it. "It was random and it doesn't even matter."

"It must matter somehow, since you asked that. And I guess it makes sense. You were right, I told you I don't like hooking up with the same person so I can see how whatever we are doing seems confusing. But... You also told me you were straight so..."

"I guess we both are a little confused, and confusing," Seonghwa chuckles softly, "and I... I'm not sure what I am anymore..."

"Well... You don't have to label yourself. Just like... We don't have to label what is going on between us. I like it, and you like it too, right?"

"Yeah... You are right... Let's just stay like this, just as we are?"

"Sure. I'd like that. Unlabeled, just us." The smile on Yeosang's lips is the first truly genuine, real smile Seonghwa has seen come from him. Not a sarcastic snicker, not a smirk, just a normal, perfect smile.

~

It had been the first time Seonghwa and Yeosang had shared a somewhat deep conversation, one on the mere edge to talking about real feelings. And it had left Seonghwa feeling relieved, even after Yeosang had stated he would like to continue seeing Seonghwa, but that he's still going to see others too. Seonghwa couldn't argue with that; didn't want to and didn't know how to.

Seonghwa also has other things to worry about, like his friends increasing suspicion of him and why he suddenly is spending so much time in his room. They had kept quiet most of the time, until one Wednesday afternoon where Hongjoong asks him to meet up at a coffee shop.

"So, about the assignment. I think it would be best if we start out with-" Seonghwa blabbers away while getting seated on the opposite of the small table Hongjoong has been waiting at. Seonghwa wipes the table with his hand before placing his computer, before even realizing Hongjoong didn't bring his own. "Wait. Where is your laptop? How are we supposed to get any work done if you didn't bring it?"

"Seonghwa. There's something I need to ask you." The voice of Kim Hongjoong is rarely anything but cheerful and the serious look in his eyes, when he folds his hands and leans across the table, isn't making the situation any less strange.

"Sure?"

"I-I'm not quite sure how to say this so... I'll just... Yep... Seonghwa, are you okay? We are getting kind of worried about you?"

"I'm fine? Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just keep so much to yourself these days, we rarely see you. And you've changed too. The way you talk and the way you dress..." Hongjoong purses his lips, eyeing Seonghwa's outfit. The fancy shirts and dressy pants have been traded out for t-shirts and jeans, a simple change but not for someone like Park Seonghwa.

"What's wrong with the way I dress?"

"Nothing! I... I didn't mean it like that," Hongjoong holds hands up in defense. "It's just... So casual. I mean... You... you're wearing ripped jeans. It's not like you."

"What? I can do casual! It's no problem."

~

Casual. Of course Seonghwa can do casual. Casual outfits, casual hairstyle, casual relationships...

He tells himself it's no problem as his casual, unlabeled relationship with Yeosang continues. Right up until one night when they both have been drinking, and Seonghwa messes up big time.

His lips are pressed against Yeosang's, gradually deepening their kiss as their tongues meet to swirl around each other like many times before. The usual sweet, sensual sound of Yeosang's low moans escaping now and then is making Seonghwa's heart flutter, but when their lips part and their eyes meet something is suddenly different.

It feels like the very first time Seonghwa is looking into the brown eyes under him, the way they look up at him with a spark that he has never seen before. Seonghwa gently lets his fingers trace down along Yeosang's face, hoping to be able to save the look and feel of him, and just how beautiful he is like this.

"If only you were just mine..."

The words escape Seonghwa's mouth without a second thought, and lingers heavily in the air around them. Words that would possibly make many others swoon. But not Yeosang. The words don't sit well with him and he removes himself from Seonghwa's embrace to promptly roll out of bed.

"I-I'm sorry... I didn't..." Seonghwa face palms himself while sitting up on the bed, watching in despair how Yeosang is pulling his shirt over his head and on his way to grab his shoes by the door. "Yeosang."

"I have to go. Sorry..."