𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 || seongsang

27⋆Yeosang

TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains suicide and homophobia.

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FIVE YEARS AGO

Yeosang chews his lower lip while looking around the white room. Chairs have been placed around in a small circle, and he is the first one to arrive, giving him the opportunity to choose any seat he wants. Walking around the circle of chairs a couple of times, Yeosang tries not to overthink this otherwise simple decision. In the end his choice falls on a seat from where he can look out the window too.

The door opens and a young guy, probably around Yeosang's own age, enters. His brown hair is messed up from the windy weather and the way he walks tells he feels just as awkward and nervous as Yeosang does. The guy briefly looks up and his eyes meet Yeosang's, but only for a second. Neither of them speak a word while the other guy sits down, two chairs away from Yeosang.

The silence in the room is so heavy and Yeosang even starts to wonder if he is breathing too loudly or in a weird way. To his luck, the door opens again and soon the circle has been filled out.

"Welcome everyone," a middle-aged lady, with a warm smile and a gentle voice says, "to your first group session."

Yeosang swallows a lump in his throat while he uneasily shuffles around on his chair. To his comfort it seems that everyone else is anxious about being there as well, Yeosang definitely feels like he is burning up inside. As a quick introduction round starts, his heart starts beating faster the closer it gets to his turn.

He's had countless of therapy sessions up until now, but only with a psychiatrist and himself. But it had been decided it would be best for him to be placed in group therapy, to share his story and shadows with others who were experiencing similar things.

"H-hi..." his soft voice cracks at the first word and his cheeks instantly blush up in a pink-ish color, "I-I'm Kang Yeosang, and I'm sixteen. Nice to meet you all."

Since the others didn't share much else, Yeosang decides to keep it short as well. They'll surely get into everything else later on. The group is a total of six teenagers like himself, and then the therapist who does seem patient and kind, something that Yeosang deeply appreciates.

Everyone gets their own time to share the reason why they are there, but only as much as they are ready to share with strangers on the first day. Some are openly telling their story, while others hold back. When it's Yeosang's turn he has gone through everything in his mind over and over, wondering what he wants to say. In the end he just decides to make it short, he doesn't feel ready to share everything on the first day.

~

When Yeosang returns to his home, it's empty as always. His dad is once again working late, trying to make money for the two of them. His father is without a higher education, and getting a job with a good pay is hard for him. This results in him working an endless amount of hours for very little money. Yeosang feels like such a burden, he shouldn't have been born at all – just like she used to say.

The apartment is small, but it's just the two of them anyway so it's not like it matters. The one they lived in before was bigger though, and much nicer. But after what had happened there, they had to move. This was only one more thing Yeosang could add to his list over things that weighed on his bad conscience, but his father had insisted even though it had cost them a lot of money to relocate from their old small town home, to an apartment in Seoul. Although it was hard, his father wanted to do it, for Yeosang's sake.