Vent

Confused

There's a lot I'm unsure about.
My future, now being a shining high school dropout
My emotional state, as it is CONSTANTLY under construction
My mental state, a fuzzy and foggy disaster
But most importantly, I'm confused about love. The word itself causes different reactions in different people. Some see it as the purpose of life, as if it's a mantra that guides their decisions and is the endgame. To settle, grow old with whomever your heart desires, etc.
and, for others it's the bane of their existence. It disgusts them, or say they say.
As for me, I'm not sure what I think of it. I've experienced love. We sat on the roof and stared at the stars, intimately shared each other's company; the whole works.
I've also seen it in other people. It's beautiful, and is unarguably one of life's purest joys.
I don't know if it's for me.
"It's better to have loved, and lost, to have never have loved at all".
Honestly? I think that's bullshit. Part of me wishes every relationship, every crush every desire to be in love had never happened.
A separate part of me appreciates the love I've been shown. It helped me become who I am, whether i like to admit it or not.
Maybe, it's not for me. But I still hope it is.
There's a space in my heart. Whether it's for someone I've already met, or maybe it's for someone i will meet later on.
Whatever the case may be, it's a tiring battle.

Do I want love

Or should I reject it.
Sappy.