How Are You, My Ex?

XXXIV

College life greeted me differently compared to how SHS life did during the two previous years. I couldn't navigate kung saan ko matatagpuan ang sarili ko. Hindi ko alam kung mas nangibabaw ang takot at kaba ko o di kaya naman ang excitement ko sa bagong kabanata ng buhay ko.

Siguro kabado dahil ito na ang magdadala sa 'kin patungo sa mga pangarap ko. At the same time, I also looked at the brighter side. I can't always be negative. Sigurado akong sa magiging journey ko, marami akong matutunan. Marami ring pagkakataong makararanas ako ng bagong mga experiences and a whole new level of fun.

"Astrid, punta muna tayong caf?" halatang kinakabahang paanyaya ni Kyra. Actually, she looked... constipated, and I'm worried.

"Okay ka lang?" nakakunot-noo kong tanong. Actually, kagagaling lang namin from our first subject. We only have ten minutes until we get to move to another room for another subject. Kanina mukhang okay pa naman siya. Something's different about now.

"Oo," aniya. "Nagugutom lang ako... at kinakabahan."

I knew it.

"Alright, we'll go to the cafeteria. Pero kailangan mong kumalma, okay? Ang unlikely masyado na kinakabahan ka. First day pa lang natin, ano ka ba!" Arielle tried to pat her back. "Chill, okay! Hindi ka naman mamamatay dito."

"Kinakabahan lang ako sa Chem, okay?"

Napatawa ako saglit. Seryoso ba 'to?! Akala ko kung ano na ang dahilan ng pagiging kabado niya. Chemistry lang pala? And come to think of it, ha. We have Inorganic and Organic Chemistry for this sem and I think it's not that hard. Konting kembot lang 'yan.

Sana.

But then I guess we do all have our weaknesses, lalong-lalo na sa mga fields na kung saan hindi tayo masyadong confident. I, too, have my fears. Lahat naman tayo meron.

But I fucking vow not to let anything bring me down. I have things that I prioritize, and I have dreams that I wish to become true. I just can't afford to fail. Failure is not in my list of options.

Laban lang. Laban lang dapat.

So, there. Pagkatapos na bumili ng pagkain, lumipat na kami sa kabilang building for the subject. Na-late kami ng isang minuto. The prof was already there when we arrived. Maswerte lang kami at mukhang mabait siya kahit na may edad na. At least hindi kami napakitaan ng nega vibe at our first class.

"To the late comers, sit wherever you are comfortable."

Naghanap kami ng mauupuan. Masyado nang okupado ang room kaya wala kaming choice kundi ang mag-separate na lang talaga. It looks like the three of us really couldn't sit together.

"Astrid." I heard a whisper calling me. Hinanap ko ang pinagmulan nito at nakita ko si Ford na nakangiting nakatingin sa akin. Tinuro niya ang upuang nasa tabi niya. "Dito ka na."

I scanned the whole room. Napansin kong ang mga empty chairs ay karaniwang nasa gitna ng rows. I guess it's because tinatamad na ang mga ka-block ko na sumingit sa gitna. And since the chair that he was referring to is just at the edge, doon na lang ako umupo.

Harmless naman siguro, diba?

Tinanggap ko lang naman ang convenient offer niya.