Chasing Home (NFL)

Contemplation

“I feel like I'm a million miles away
From myself more and more these days
I've been down so many open roads
But they never lead me home
And now I just don't know
Who I really am, how it's gonna be
Is there something that I can't see?
I wanna understand”

– “Every Part of Me” by Hannah Montana

Chapter 11: Contemplation

            “This is madness,” Cooper said to me as we stood on the Patriots sideline watching the teams warm up. He had given my seat to our father, but he was staying with me for now. “Does Peyton know about this?”

            “He knows I’m at the game, but he doesn’t know I’m with the Patriots,” I said, shrugging. I did not think it was that big of a deal after the conversation we had. He would understand.

            “You mean with Brady.” Cooper crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows.

            I scoffed. “I am not here for Brady.” I did not know why I was there; it was something beyond my control.

            “What about me?” I heard Brady say from behind me.

            “She’s going behind Peyton’s back to be here,” Cooper responded.

            “Technically, she went in front of his back,” Brady said with a small grin. “She made the plans right in front of him. He tried to object, but she ignored him. It was pretty awesome.”

            I rolled my eyes. “And that’s why I’m not here for you.” I spotted someone walking off the field from behind him and smiled. “I’m here for my good friend Randy Moss.”

            Moss looked at me and blinked. “What?”

            I walked up to him and turned to stand beside him. “We go way back. Remember the good old days?”

            Moss smiled. “I sure do. We had some fun times.”

            “And now we’re on the same side as far as the Vikings and Packers go,” I went on. “So why not support you now?”

            “Thank you, Lauren,” Moss said, “but if you’re going to support me, you have to support my man Tom.” He walked up to Brady and placed his hand on his shoulder. Brady grinned at me, and Cooper looked at me with raised eyebrows.

            My face fell. “You’re not helping,” I said to Moss.

            “What’s going on here?” a familiar voice said. I turned and saw Drew Brees strolling over to us. He appeared confused as he looked from Cooper to me. “Why are you two with the Patriots?” He glanced at Brady. “Isn’t this a contradiction?”

            “I’m only here to talk to Lauren,” Cooper said, raising his hands defensively. “I have a seat on the Saints’ side of the field. My sister here just feels like betraying all three of her brothers at the same time.”

            I rolled my eyes. “I love how you’re the one most upset by this.”

            “She’s come to see the light,” Moss said. Then he turned and walked away.

            Brady smiled as he walked over to me. “I agree.”

            “I don’t think so,” I said, pushing him away from me. I glanced at Brees. “It’s complicated.”

            “I think she just likes confrontation,” Cooper said.

            I shrugged. “That’s true.”

            Brees chuckled lightly. “I see. Have fun with that, Lauren.” He turned to Brady. “Good luck, Tom.”

            Brady nodded at him. “Same to you, Drew.”

            “I think it’s time for me to leave,” Cooper said. He cast me one last wary glance. “Don’t get into trouble.”

            I crossed my arms and smirked. “I won’t.” I was ready for the game to begin.

            It started off pretty well. The Saints had the ball first and got a field goal, and the Patriots responded with a touchdown. However, that was the last time the Patriots would lead. On their second possession, Brady threw an interception. After that, the Saints got a touchdown on every drive until the end of the half, while the Patriots only managed one field goal.

            The Patriots scored a touchdown at the beginning of the second half, but they would not earn any more points the rest of the game. The Saints were dominating the game. Brees was amazing, and the Saints’ defense was in control, though there was still something about it that rubbed me the wrong way. After a second interception in the middle of the fourth, Brady was benched.

            I did not expect to feel so upset. Sure, I did not like the Saints too much at the moment, but I had always enjoyed a Patriots defeat. Seeing Brady sitting on the bench alone looking so dejected, however, hit me somewhere deep.

            My feet led me to him before my mind could protest. He had his head down and he was clutching the bench seat with his right hand. I did not know how to make him feel better. I remembered how he had doubted my intentions when I had talked to him the first time I saw him after he had been hurt the previous year. I had to show him I was sincere, even though I did not understand my motivation myself.

            I slowly sat down beside him. I paled my left hand down on the bench so that it was just touching his. “Tom,” I said, for the first time, deliberately using his first name.

            He took his hand away and rested it on his leg.”Go away,” he said without looking at me.

            I didn’t move; I knew better from being around NFL players all my life. “Peyton tells me to leave when he loses too, but I don’t. You shouldn’t be alone.”

            Brady folded his hands and leaned his head down. “What are you doing here?”

            “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I guess, when you’re so lost, you’ll look anywhere to try to feel something.”

            “It was not supposed to be this way. You were supposed to see us win.”

            I considered the implications of his statement for a minute. I understood his meaning. He did want me to go to New England. For the life of me, I could not figure out why. “You know, it’s easy to root for a team when they’re winning, especially for someone like me who gets really into games. But to be with a team when it loses – those are feelings that can’t be faked.”

            Brady lifted his head and looked at me. He did not say anything, but his steady gaze told me everything I needed to know. I ignored the many warning signals going off in my mind. At the same time, I wanted to do more for him. I wanted to touch him and comfort him. I held back, despising these emotions. If I did go to New England, it would be an everyday battle to keep myself from getting too close. There was a line I could not cross.

            I stayed with him the rest of the game. No additional points were scored, and the Saints won 38-17. I was reminded of the press with their cameras as I walked with Brady to greet players and coaches, but I decided I did not care. The media could have a frenzy about me being with the Patriots if they wanted. Maybe it would get it out of their system.

            I followed the Patriots into the interior of the stadium. Once I was inside and before the players had reached the locker room, I grabbed onto Brady’s arm to prevent him from going forward. He looked back at me with a weary expression on his face but did not say anything.

            There were no more cameras around, and no one was paying us any attention. I made another impulsive decision. I closed the distance between Brady and me and hugged him. He slowly wrapped his arms around me in response. I held on for several moments longer before letting go. Then we parted.

***