Chasing Home (NFL)

Reflection

“Gotta look far, I'll be where you are
I wish you could see what I see
So don't ask why, just look inside
Baby, it's all you need

And I don't understand why you won't (you won't)
Take my hand and go
‘Cause you're so beautiful”

– “Invisible” by Big Time Rush

Chapter 32: Reflection

            A loud, annoying sound interrupted my slumber. I was unsure what it was because I was still half asleep, but it sure was bugging me. I groaned when it did not stop. Soon, I realized it was my phone ringing from the coffee table. Then my current situation also dawned on me. The blanket had fallen off of me, but I was still lying on top of Tom on his couch. I felt him stir beneath me.

            A different phone began to ring, this time from the floor. I was still too out of it to figure out what to do. Luckily, Tom seemed to have a quicker response. He took his right arm off of me, which I internally protested because of the sudden absence of warmth, and picked up his phone from the floor. “Hello?” he said groggily.

            I turned my face into his chest to try to block out the noise. I was not ready to enter reality yet. I felt warm and comfortable where I was. I knew the conflict between us was not yet resolved, and I was not ready to confront it.

            “Yeah, she’s fine,” Tom said into the phone. “I mean, she is now… You don’t need to freak out, Gronk… She did get into some trouble, but I helped her out… Right. I’ll tell her. Bye.” Tom dropped the phone onto the floor. “You need to call Gronk to let him know you’re fine.”

            A flash of guilt broke me out of my trance. I had forgotten all about Rob. I should have called him the previous night to tell him what happened. “I will,” I mumbled. Well, it was time to wake up. I reluctantly attempted to unwrap myself from Tom’s grasp. He helped me by sitting up with me. He kept his arm around me, though, as we sat together. “Thank you, by the way. For saving me.”

            Tom nodded. “Of course.”

            “And… we need to talk.”

            “I know. Do you need me to say more or you going to give an explanation now?” His voice was not hostile, but it still made me feel guilty.

            I bit my lip and looked down. “Tom, I-” I sighed. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was only protecting myself.”

            “Protecting yourself from what? I’m not going to hurt you.” He seemed offended at the very idea.

            “That’s not true,” I said quietly. I felt my chest tighten as I looked up at him. “Everyone hurts you. We’re humans. It’s the big splits that matter. They’re never planned, and no one can see them coming.”

            “Like the Packers? And Aaron?”

            I nodded. “Yeah.”

            “You think I would do that to you?”

            I shrugged and looked away. I did not know if he would, but the fear was always there.

            “Lauren.” He reached out his right hand to my cheek and gently made me look at him. “You’re right; I don’t know what will happen in the future. But if I was ever stupid enough to let something get between us, I would come back eventually. And I would do it sooner and better than Rodgers. I wouldn’t wait until a convenient time. The minute I realized my mistake, I would run to you and make everything right.” He seemed to understand my concerns now, but there was still pain in his eyes.