Chasing Home (NFL)

The Shift

“I've been trying not to love you
I've been putting up a fight
I've been barely holding on
Letting go with all my might

There's a part of me that's empty
I know only love can fill
I'm afraid I'll never find it
And scared to death I will”

– “Help Me Fall” by Mark Wills

Chapter 47: The Shift

            The Patriots played the Steelers in Pittsburg Sunday afternoon. Tom was avoiding me again, and I did not like it. We were losing 20-10 by the fourth quarter. When I tried to approach Tom, he snapped at me. I angrily yelled back at him and then left him alone. My stubborn pride refused to let me try to work it out that day. The Pats lost 25-17.

            My annoyance and anger did not begin to fade until Wednesday when I realized that our next game was against the Giants. The Patriots and Giants played each other in the preseason every year, but this was the first time during a real game that I would have to root against Eli as a Patriot. I decided I needed to make up with Tom because I did not want to go through that alone.

            When I got to work, I headed to the practice field like normal to check in with Coach Belichick, but this time I stayed and watched the players on the field. I waited until they all started walking off, and then I grabbed Tom’s arm as he made to pass me. “We need to talk.”

            I could not read his expressional as he stared at me. My eyes pleaded with him to accept, and he finally nodded. I let go of him and followed him as he led the way to an area on the sideline away from everyone else. Then he turned to me and crossed his arms. “Yes?”

            I took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. I had realized that part of this was probably my fault. “I’m sorry about what happened. I have not changed my mind, but you need to know that you’re not the problem; I am. It’s nothing you did, and I find nothing wrong with you. I just-” I hesitated. How much did I want to tell him? “I’ve lost a lot of people in the past, Tom, and it’s hard for me to get close to people – especially people I think I could end up liking a lot.” I held my breath as I waited for his response.

            Tom’s gaze softened, and he dropped his arms to the side. Then he too late out a sigh. “I’m sorry too, Lauren. I should not have taken it personally. I don’t want anything to compromise our friendship. I do understand. I’m not giving up, but I won’t push you.”

            I smiled slightly, feeling immensely relieved. “Thanks.” Almost without thinking, I moved forward and hugged him. I felt his surprise, but then he wrapped his arms around me and did not let go. “If I ever do anything to hurt you again, please talk to me about it so we can work it out. I don’t like fighting with you.”

            “I don’t either.”

            After a few seconds, I pulled away from him, turned, and saw Julian and Wes staring at them. I shot them a sharp look. “May I help you?”

            “Oh, no, we’re good,” Julian said with a grin. Wes nodded, appearing amused.

            I rolled my eyes, but Tom just laughed.
 
***

            “Not bad,” Cooper said as he looked around the Patriots’ practice field. He had arrived with his wife, kids, and dad the previous night, and I had invited them all to the end of the Friday practice so they could check out where I worked and meet some of my friends. I was sporting my new shirt and hat that both had the patriots’ mascot on it.