Restoration [Shawn Mendes] AU

Chapter 29

"Michelle, I know you've been keeping a journal to write about you're feelings each day and helping you to deal with your grief. I thought of you when I came across this quote from writer Jan Glidewell a few days ago and I wanted to share it with you, because I think it might help you put your feelings of guilt about moving on and living your life without Robert and Beau into perspective," Dr. Kane said as he handed her the piece of paper with the quote written on it.

"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present."

Michelle read the quote to herself and then read it out loud. She looked up at Dr. Kane, wondering where he was going with this. "Do you really think I feel guilty for still being alive?" she asked. She had been coming to Dr. Kane once a week for over a month now and this was the first time he'd ever broached this subject with her.

"Michelle, people going through the grieving process will often feel guilty about things they did or didn't do or say. Or they may feel bad because they are starting to grieve less intensely and are not always thinking about the person they have lost. Or they may feel they are being disloyal to their deceased loved one if they are having fun with someone new or just having fun again in general. I'll suggest that the best way to really honor someone's life is to properly and fully live, yourself. What I've observed over the last month is that you are moving in a positive direction with your classes, you've gotten all the legal and financial issues taken care of, you're doing well at RISD and are preparing to graduate in June. I also hear you talk excitedly about beginning your studies and internships in pursuit of your Masters. What I don't hear from you is that you have any kind of social life at all. Isolating yourself isn't healthy and I'd like to see you make a small attempt at going out socially. I'm not suggesting you have to date per se, I'm just saying you need to get out with people in a social setting that doesn't revolve around classes at RISD. You live in the middle of the arts and entertainment district for goodness sake! I think your goal should be to get out and experience some new things in your neighborhood at least once per week."

"I know I haven't take time to explore the venues in my neighborhood, but I mean I do see my three best friends back in Boston on occasion, and I hang out with Shawn sometimes. He's a new friend I made here in Providence when I came back to campus because we are both studying architecture," Michelle explained, wondering why Dr. Kane didn't think she was being social enough.

"Michelle, let me ask you something...when you are with your best friends or with your new friend Shawn, do you ever feel like you're sitting on the sidelines instead of really participating in life? Almost as if you're a spectator hearing and seeing what your friends are doing, but not really doing anything yourself?"

"Well, I did tell my friends they need to talk about their relationships or dating or things they are doing instead of walking on eggshells when I'm around, for fear they'll make me uncomfortable. They've made a conscious effort to treat me like they always have, I think. As for Shawn, a lot of our interactions at first were based on just hanging out together and getting to know one another and we also had a collaboration we were working on for class," Michelle offered as what she felt was proof she wasn't isolated or not participating in life with friends.