Our Endless Story

L

It is strange, being here again after so long. Despite how long I'd been away, I still remember everything about the place; the white gumamela's planted at the left side in the front yard, the door that I used to be the waiting area as I watched her going to work and beamed at night as she returned home. I smile unknowingly in the thought of that memory. The soft cool wind touches my skin to wake me up for standing here still. It is winter afternoon and the night would fallen soon. I scurried away into the path towards the house after I entered the gate that already unlocked, before the city envelope the blanket of darkness.

My steps leads me to the front door while my eyes recognizing the blue paint of the house that faded. It won't surprise me anymore because it is more than half a decade since I left this house with aching heart, my first heartbreak. Yeah, so long.

I took a heavy breath before knocking the door. But no one seems inside the house. My excitement suddenly changed to disappointment again, like yesterweek.

"Ugh! Diana, nasaan ka na ba!? Tiniis ko ang mga araw bago ang nakakapotang schedule pauwi dito sa Pilipinas tapos wala naman kayo dito!?!" Sigaw ko dito na parang baliw habang pinagsisipa ang pinto. I don't care to the people passing by outside the gate if they saw me in this kind of state. Parang gusto kong umiyak nang maalala ko ang sinabi niya sa sulat na ibinigay sa akin ni Gazini bago ako umalis sa Espanya.

"It wasn't until I saw you again that I realized that I didn't miss you, at least not really. I missed the person you used to be - when I saw you again, after everything that had happened, you were a new person that I had never known and never would. And in that moment I realized you can't miss someone you never knew."

I struggle for composing myself to not cry from this very moment  but when I heard her voice at my back calling me,

"Hannah?"

I cried. The warm tears that flows down to my cheeks is as heavy as my heart. It carries pain.

Why aren't you calling me by my real name? I thought you would call me Franki, again.

Pinahiran ko muna ang mga luhang dumaloy sa aking pisnge bago ako humarap sa kaniya ng nakangiti, as if nothing happened. As if I didn't cried.

"Saan na ang mga bata?" Tanong ko sa kaniya not meeting her gaze, na parang nagtataka.

Nagtataka siguro kung bakit ako nandito. She already know where her wife is. But she's pretending that I'm still Hannah Robles. Maybe, sobrang sakit talaga na itanggi ka ng taong mahal mo.

"Sa Cabanatuan. With Kuya. With my family there." She answered in her low voice but I still heard it all. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin o itatanong sa kaniya ulit just to keep this conversation going.

"At kakarating ko lang galing doon. I came here again because I forgot to lock the gate." She added. At hindi ko namalayan na unti-unti nang gumagabi.

"Hannah-"

"It's Franki." I corrected her in firm voice as she was trying to call me again in that name. At kasunod nun ang pag-alala ko sinabi niya when we were still in Spain.

"My body and heart weren't made for this. I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of being sad. Isama mo pa yung maraming disappointments at heartbreaks, because of her. Siguro, panahon na rin para makipaghiwalay ako sa kaniya."

The thought of it ang nagpaiyak sa akin, sa harap niya. She is dumbfounded kung bakit bigla nalang ako umiyak dito ng walang dahilan, in her case.
Hinintay ko siya na pumunta sa akin para ako'y yakapin, dahil yan ang ginagawa niya sa akin dati kapag nakita niya akong umiiyak. But no. I only heard a question from her. I was disappointed again.