By The Way I'm Not Sure (Jai Waetford Fan Fiction)

Chapter 14 - Clifftop

Jamma wins! Everyone voted for Jamma!

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The next day when I wake up Jai is still asleep, he is always awake first though. I sit in a corner and a tear rolled down my cheek.

I don't even know why. Maybe because I'm continuously convinced that my boyfriend doesn't care for me, that he has never really loved me and just is using me to make him feel special. I'm sick of crying over him, I'm sick of feeling the pain that most 15 year old girls don't feel. I just don't want to see him again, it'd be great if he just practically dropped off the side of the earth, but I don't want him to because maybe I actually love him, I'm not sure.

"Good morning." Jai says as he stretches.

"Hey." I say in a, not purposely, shaky voice.

"What's wrong?" He asks. He hasn't looked at me yet and I took that opportunity to wipe my eyes.

"What? I'm perfectly fine." I say.

"Then why'd you wipe your eyes and why are you sitting in a corner?" He asks. What? He has his back fa... Oh the mirror on Jai's bloody door. Of course.

"Why do you think? I'm sad." I say as if the most obvious thing in the world. He turns to me now, not looking at me in the mirror, but turns to me with a worried look. He sits down next to me and I look away from him.

"Tell me."

"Jai. I can't do this. I can't pretend like we're okay. Haven't you realised? I'm different around you now. I can't look at your properly without having to bite my tongue cause all I see when I look at you is Lana and you..." I say and trail off.

"But you can hug and kiss me and hold my hands? What's the difference?" He asks, he looks bewildered now, not worried just confused.

"Because I don't have to look at you. I could kiss, hug and hold hands with any guy without having to look at them. I won't, but if I wanted to, I could." I say.

"I'm sorry. That's all I can say to you. I can't think anything else I can do or say to make you feel better other than, 'Gemma I love you and I'm sorry'. There's nothing else that'd make you feel better and as far as I know, that's not even working. So, whatever you want me to do, I'll do it." He says.

"I don't want you to do anything. I just can't think of the fact that you might actually care for me and then you'll go and hurt me again like every other time. You're unpredictable." Why am I telling him any of this?

"I know they are just words, but I do care for you. I can't think of any reason why I would be spending this much time with you and not caring."

"To get attention for once? Jai you have a million fans, but you still seek attention! All. The. Time." I say.

"We honestly can't go a day without arguing." He says, changing the subject. It's true. If he is to change the subject so easily without trying to prove to me that he does care for me, then he really doesn't care for me, does he? My stomach churns and I feel like I'm going to vomit. I can't handle this.

"I'm leaving." I say and stand up.

"Are you leaving me? Are you quitting in our relationship so early?" He asks and I look back at him.

"We never were in a relationship." I say and leave. On the way to the front door I unfortunately find Jai's mum.

"Oh. Gemma, do you want some pancakes?" She asks.

"Um. No thanks. I really should be getting home. Thanks for letting me stay." I say and walk away. I just want to go home and be alone in my room. Why'd I forgive him? Why'd I even consider wanting to 'date' him again?